Mobile Armored Podcast Show

The Worst M.A.S.K. Episode Ever

• Adam Moore and PJ McNerney • Season 1 • Episode 27

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Folks, Miles Mayhem is not doing well. You need go no further than the latest episode of MASK to see the once mighty VENOM leader kidnapping pandas from China and abducting a sculptor and... forcing the sculptor to desecrate moai (those giant heads on Easter Island) by imprinting the faces of VENOM agents on them. So, please, folks... please, send your hearts out to Miles Mayhem. He isn’t himself... because who in their right mind DOES ANY OF THIS?!?

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Adam:

Welcome to the Mobile Armored Podcast Show, the podcast that transforms into a pro democracy demonstration. My name is Adam Moore, alongside my co host, best friend, and snowbound PJ McNerney. Uh, how many feet of snow you got there, or inches anyways?

PJ:

uh, we're prompt. So we're on day three of this snow storm up in the mountains, and this is the third third day my kids have off from school, not because like, you know, we're not sort of equipped in the mountains to handle snow. Uh, it's more the case that it just started dumping eight inches, then five inches, then another nine inch. Like, I, I, I think they were like, uh, people will just die if, like,

Adam:

It's a Venom plot.

PJ:

I, you know what, if it was a Venom plot, like, it'd be them, um, and competence is not something I've

Adam:

No, well, let's, let's actually talk about that because we're at episode 27, Panda Power, uh, in which Venom abducts endangered panda bears from China and Mask must rescue Panda Power. And we were talking right before we began. this episode is garbage. it's the worst episode of mask that we've talked about so far, you know, and going to give a lot away right now. Uh, I don't think anyone listening is going to care. Venoms. goal in this episode is to get stone carvings made of their faces. Like on like the Easter Island heads only of like miles and racks and Vanessa and that sort of thing. Why the pandas are there is a. Whole other question that doesn't make any sense. I think my first question is just what kind of writer comes up with an idea like this, who sits down and says, I've got a great idea for mask episode.

PJ:

I'm gonna, I'm gonna actually, I'm gonna win the Defense Fund, the Writer Defense Fund, uh, award today, okay? So, I'm gonna, uh, this is my best. Um, the writers have been watching the steady decline of Miles over Where, like, everything has just gotten shittier and shittier, so he's trying to track, where is the nadir of Miles psychological makeup right now, that says,

Adam:

guess. I mean, his goal is to have Venom be immortalized, By getting stone carvings made. I mean, Venom didn't need to plan for this. Venom could have just, I mean, I guess they're hard up for cash, and that's Fine, but they probably could have sold off one of the vehicles and just paid someone to make stone carvings of their faces. But also, all of Venom is in on it. Like, they're super psyched. Like, they're actually have, later on they have an argument over who gets to go next. Yeah,

PJ:

really they're, they're doing graffiti, they're doing graffiti and sculpture form Island.

Adam:

a question I had. Is it the actual Easter Island heads that they're redoing?

PJ:

I think so, like, I think

Adam:

I just, I cannot understand a writer pitching this idea that is in full control of their faculties and saying, this is going to be a great episode of television, not animation or anything, that this is just going to be a great episode of anything.

PJ:

It's such a weird, you know, structurally speaking, it is so weird because it's incredibly disjoint. Like, it really is two episodes squished together. They're completely different locales. It's completely different kind of like, like, that's it. It's just basically like, oh, I want to be in China and Easter

Adam:

yeah. This is what a space alien or an AI than this though.

PJ:

to

Adam:

type in write a plot for mask Involving statue carving and pandas and see what it comes up with. I bet it's gonna be better than this Are you gonna do it while we're live

PJ:

Yeah, I'm going to open up Gemini right now. Let's just see. I'm not even going to use chat GPT. crappier one. Uh, that involves China, bears, panda bears. And Episode title, The Panda Project. NASC is called into action when they receive intel about a mysterious organization known as the Red Panda that's planning to steal a priceless artifact from a secret museum in China. The artifact, a powerful energy crystal, is rumored to have the ability to

Adam:

is a mask episode!

PJ:

is already Better

Adam:

That is a mask episode right there. I love it. I'm into it. This one, unfortunately, is not. Okay, well let's dive into it, shall we? We open in a bamboo forest, and there's a bunch of pandas just hanging around.

PJ:

I love it. They have this shot of these really happy pandas that are just chewing on bamboo. And then there's this one bamboo that just like, sorry, there's this one panda that just walks by that looks like he's to

Adam:

Well, the next cut though is to reveal a giant panda statue being carved, right? It's covered in scaffolding. So it's like, it's like this panda is looking at the statue being carved. We've got Matt standing at the top of the scaffolding along with Andre, who is the artist, that we learned Matt hired from New York. so, Matt hired an artist from New York to create a huge panda statue. And he says the whole world will meet panda tomorrow in Peking. What the heck is he talking about? This is bizarre, even for Matt. what?

PJ:

I am not sure. Like, is this a continuation? He knows that the Hong Kong like is going to get turned over to China and about 14 years. So he's trying to lay in some groundwork with the Chinese government. So he's giving him a big gift. And I don't know, like, that's the problem is like, Why do you hire an artist from New York to come in to do this?

Adam:

Well, Scott and T Bob are there, of course. And Scott says, dad really is crazy about the pandas. And I mean, again, he really is. He is super excited about this giant statue.

PJ:

do you wonder if like, Scott is like, trying to figure out why he's so emotive about an inanimate object

Adam:

yeah, I would imagine he's absolutely trying to sort it out. I wish dad was as crazy about me as he was about giant panda statues. Well, that night, Scott and T Bob are lying in bed. Scott says, listen to the pandas. It's great to hear nature. But then also I'm wondering why is T Bob in bed if he doesn't sleep?

PJ:

I, you know, we've seen this a few times. I was wondering T Bob kind of, uh, an ersat? So like,

Adam:

He's a bad bodyguard if he

PJ:

like he's going to jump up few times

Adam:

Suddenly, there's a huge wind and some banging is heard outside. And so Matt, Andre the artist, Scott and T Bob, they all run outside. And all the pandas are gone. Except for one little baby panda. Uh, Matt tells Scott and T Bob to take care of this baby panda. And considering the track record, I'm not sure this is a good idea.

PJ:

I think we should point out that T Bob was programmed by Alex Sector. And so we don't know Also, all we know is that the panda noises are gone. So how do

Adam:

You're asking questions that this episode can't answer. you seek too much, my friend. Well, we cut to Thunderhawk, transforming and taking to the air. We got Matt, Scott, T Bob, and the panda all inside Thunderhawk, and Scott asks, how could all those bears disappear like that? And Matt's response is whatever it is I'm going to get. And first, terrible dad joke. Second, not the time or place for a joke as we've mentioned in the past, Matt. Third, bare facts isn't even a saying to my knowledge, is it?

PJ:

It's not. I mean, I just kept, I kept imagining the bare facts. Uh, that's not even a real saying. Like, what are you? get it. So I have very little praise for this episode. There's a few And this is one of them. It is actually a kind of a cool, like. don't see this very much, but like, it's hard to do in TD 3d, this, uh, perspective, like transformation where you kind

Adam:

They put all their time and effort into that one

PJ:

Um, I, that was, that was it. That was, uh, Matt's in his suit and tie, very casually taking a look. I was kind of curious how much

Adam:

Yeah, all the time. We now cut to the big panda statue on a flatbed truck, and Andre is going to take the statue to where it's meant to be installed, which is Tiananmen Square. Gulp. Uhhuh

PJ:

let's jump over to History Corner for a second. Um, you know, mask is supposed to be taking you know, the packet a lot in that year. And just as a, as a historical note, Tiananmen means gate of heavenly peace. It's where in 1949. Mao proclaimed the founding of the People's Republic of China. It is perhaps more famously known in the modern era in 89 where there was a massive student protest and massacre that

Adam:

those are disputed facts. from the point of view of the CCP, um, those are all, uh, that's all fake news.

PJ:

You're

Adam:

Never, never

PJ:

uh,

Adam:

Never. I don't know what you're talking about.

PJ:

So, so in 1985, this would have been the most logical place to do this in terms of a historical landmark. Uh, I will ask the question in the world of mask this statue actually what's going to spark the protests is Matt Tracker actually with this giant capitalist symbol that inspires the students affronts the communists

Adam:

Why would the, the Communist Party allow them to put like a giant stone panda carving in Tiananmen Square? It's one of the most important spaces in modern China, and they're just going to let them put a big giant stone panda in there.

PJ:

I'm sure if you ask the writer this, the writer did a lot of research and determined that this actually given the tenor of the times.

Adam:

uh, a Chinese official named Chen Ho shows up. And he's wearing typical communist party gear. They're very, you know, a gray. Matching, you know, suit. Um, turns out he's the National Wildlife Representative. Uh, and it turns out that other pandas have gone missing. And in fact, now, only a few pandas remain in China. Wow. Matt asks Chin Ho for permission to start looking into it. And Chin Ho says it's fine, but he won't be able to keep it from the Chinese people for long. Now first, I believe this might be the first time Matt has ever asked for permission to do anything. Number two, I'm 100 percent positive that the CCP could keep whatever they want from the Chinese people,

PJ:

cases after the, the error of the internet as well. Let's hop over to communist core for a I want to talk about some of the facts on the Um, The pandas have gone missing. This white capitalist the U. S. has been recently involved pandas. And this is communist China. So, why isn't the first action of the official to put Matt's ass in information for where the pandas are? How much is this? Therefore, has Matt been sure he is untouchable? And does that

Adam:

Yeah, I agree. I think that Matt certainly has the resources to ensure that he stays out of a Chinese penal colony. Um, not so much for Andre. he seems to be pretty disposable in all this. because in fact, later on in the episode, as the plot proceeds, uh, they're not necessarily going to rescue Andre so much as they're going to rescue the pandas. So meanwhile, we cut to Easter Island in the most non sequitur cut in a single episode of mask ever. So that's a new award, the non sequitur cut. and here's where all the pandas are. there's not too many pandas there. So I guess China really didn't have a lot of pandas, but anyways, Miles and Cliff are staring at the pandas and Miles claims that soon Venom will Will be immortalized. Okay. Vanessa and Sly show up in Manta. and they have even more pandas, but Miles is upset because they didn't get the sculptor. Like that's, what's really important for Miles to get. and he actually kicks Sly and send, sends them both out. To get this sculptor What in the world is going on here? I mean, this the only guy who can sculpt things in the world? And that's why Matt flew him from New York. And this is why Venom is trying to capture him. He's like, sorry, there's one sculptor left on planet earth. And it's Andre from New York.

PJ:

we, I was going to make this comment later on, but it's does Miles need to get him right now? Like, Andre gets back to his Soho apartment? And

Adam:

they don't have that kind of money, PJ. They're out of money. We know they're short on cash. They're working out of a shanty in the Amazon rainforest. They don't have that kind of money.

PJ:

Fine,

Adam:

Most importantly, kidnap him and bring him to Easter Island.

PJ:

yes.

Adam:

Yeah. Okay.

PJ:

Let's talk about this. Location check. Easter Island is in the Pacific Ocean, okay? It's technically a part of Chile, which is 2, 000 miles away. So it is fucking remote. The nearest island that has any inhabitants is 1, 300 miles away. And I was doing some checks here. The distance from to Easter Island is 10, 000 miles. And if you flew at Mach 1, the speed of sound, the entire time, still take you 13 hours to get there. Which means that Sly and Vanessa

Adam:

more importantly, all these pandas have been cooped up in a small crate for all that time. And if I can also just. Touch on the, the mileage factor here. They want to be immortalized. Like what they should do is like carve miles his face on the statue of Liberty for all the world to see. No one sees Easter Island like ever,

PJ:

It's true. It's

Adam:

Now that's a great idea. Miles wants to carve his face and the rest of Venom's face on Mount Rushmore. That's a great idea. That's right.

PJ:

Superman 2 did it. come on. You know, you like movies. Um, so, so And again, like, assuming that they basically have a hundred pandas and each one is about 215 pounds, that's like 11 tons on the top of Manta. Okay, and they've been flying for 13 hours. what does animals do? Like, let me ask you a question. Would you be able to? Yeah, I don't 13 hours is a long time, especially after I've just eaten. And this panda pen has not been cleaned. We're gonna put a pin in that for now, until later in the episode. Because as far as we're concerned, the fuck around, fly back, to get the sculptor. And it's going to be 26 hours best case scenario. So I mean, no

Adam:

Well, now we're back at the hotel, wherever in China, it is Scott, is playing around with T Bob's wiring. it turns out Scott has hot wired T Bob. So he'll be an incubator for the baby panda. this does not sound like a good idea to hot wire T Bob to make him warmer. So could I please get a engineering corner here?

PJ:

Yeah. Let's also point out that the more you know from last episode was like not to fuck around with circuits OK, engineering corner it is. In order to generate heat from electricity, you have to kind of resistor. And so, I, you know, Scott, who's done a lot of modifications to TBOB, has to have come up with some sort of rig The temperature the same as the mom, mama pond panda. Um, and I, you know, look, assuming he got the temperature correct, it should work, but what are the problems? Well, if he didn't choose the right resistor or the right resistance path. And, and again, if you want to conceptualize this, think about the inside of a toaster, when you see those wires get hot, that's electricity going over those, which is a resistive wire gets hot. So. If you don't choose the right resistor, either the panda will freeze, Or they'll have Baked Baby Panda in there. And, and if that's assuming his wiring's right, if his wiring's off somehow,

Adam:

So you, what you're saying is. Not a good idea?

PJ:

So, I, I, it was not a good idea to

Adam:

The one panda left alive in China has been given to Scott and T Bob Who's been recently rewired to act like an incubator by Scott Well, we cut to Tiananmen Square

PJ:

we're I,

Adam:

panda statue is ready for its unveiling. Um, Andre tells Matt that he'd like to check the facial features one more time. Like it was a bit of finishing touches on the panda facial features.

PJ:

I, I My response on this was like Matt should have slapped him in the face and say, dude, not the fucking time. Like, it's done.

Adam:

well, Scott and T Bob are in a marketplace right off Tiananmen Square. I'd be curious to know if there is a sort of market right there, but you know, PJ and I don't do any research, so we don't know. suddenly, Mantis shows up and scoops up Andre from the top of the scaffolding, by the way, in the same box that all those pandas had been in. So what is Andre lying in during this 13 hour trek to Easter Island?

PJ:

want to point out that the pacific sun is very, very intense for 13 hours on this

Adam:

And will continue to bake and emit, you know, methane. So my guess is when they get to Easter Island, what they have is a dead sculptor from methane poisoning.

PJ:

They'll open it a crack so I get some fresh air. But yeah, like with like

Adam:

You smell

PJ:

God, and then

Adam:

but Andre does get scooped up by, uh, by Manta. but in smashing through the scaffolding, Matt goes falling to his doom. What's gonna happen PJ? Yes,

PJ:

Scott and Gloria are going to

Adam:

we'll find out after these messages.

PJ:

know.

Mask will be right back, and so will Venom. Now back to math.

PJ:

know.

Adam:

And we're back. When we left you, Matt was falling to his doom. Scott and Gloria were already spending the inheritance in their minds. Scott had his eye on a few yachts. But also, have you noticed that the Act Outs very often feature someone falling to their doom?

PJ:

seems to be a really common trope that we've seen over and over again. Um, this is, I'll say this much for it. It's unique in this case because in every other instance where we have Either a mask or a mask vehicle saves the day.

Adam:

no, it's

PJ:

And that is There's no Thunderhawk. I loved Matt's

Adam:

He's almost more, it's almost, it's horrified, but also somewhat shocked. Like me falling to his doom.

PJ:

that's not supposed to happen. it

Adam:

Well, Matt doesn't die. Scott saves him by moving a cart full of tomatoes under Matt to catch his fall. It's a pretty shallow cart, but, and those must be some tough obstacles. Chinese tomatoes. Anyways, Matt survives and he stands up and he asks any crackers to go with this tomato soup

PJ:

Kenner of this like rescue is kind of intense because like like before Matt like Emerges from the tomato cart. It's like

Adam:

Yeah. No, you got Scott lying on the ground, like flailed on the ground, dead. You got T Bob on the ground, covered in blood, dead. It seems like the baby panda. But it looks like it's something out of The Godfather.

PJ:

It really does, and Scott, and I know I pointed this out to

Adam:

Yeah, no, it's like he's being

PJ:

Scott is drawn, it

Adam:

we have to put this, we'll put this picture up on Instagram and you all can investigate it for yourselves. But it's um, it's stark. it really, really is.

PJ:

Yeah, um, and then what the fuck up is, is up with uh, what the fuck is up with Matt's joke, man? Like, Like, he doesn't deal with this kind of situation well. And even Scott just kind of ignores

Adam:

he, he really is. And, you know, if it was ever a situation like that and, you know, I was, it was near death, but I was, I managed to skirt it in front of my child. My thought would actually be to go comfort my child and be like, Hey, I'm okay. It's going to be fine. Like, don't worry about it. Dad's still here. And that's just like making a joke and. Moving on. Yeah,

PJ:

He's making a joke. What are

Adam:

Well, Matt hops into Thunderhawk and contacts the mask computer, and we go into our agent selection scene. Alex Sector. Well, we all know why he's chosen for this mission. Although I thought they wanted to keep the pandas alive. But okay, um, he's at his pet shop with a ferret wrapped around his neck like a scarf. So, very much in character for Alex. He gets the call and runs, uh, leaving the ferret to roam the store. So again, case in point, this is not the man you want when the safety of animals is at stake.

PJ:

Um, I wanna point out that it, it, the computer specifically says animal expertise

Adam:

next up is Bruce Sato. He's in a park, kind of surrounded by all these little kids, and he's throwing boomerangs, but like really angry. Like, he's got this angry look on his face, and he's just hucking boomerangs into the air, which are not coming back, by the way. And, um, do you think he stole the toys from the kids? And it's like Throwing them away. Like these aren't the ones I designed. I don't want any kids to play with them.

PJ:

Uh, close. I think those are the ones he designed and they're not playing with them, right? genius. Uh, so again, the computer says lifter mask and design skills essential.

Adam:

And our third member of the team is Hondo McClain. Finally, he's back now it has, and we find him grading tests. and he's sweating. Is he okay? when you're grading tests, you shouldn't be sweating. Sweating that much. and then he gets to call and he just leaves and it's, which is, you know, typical Hondo, but the stack of tests on his desk is like three feet tall. I mean, is he sweating because he waited all year to grade his students work? And it's just like getting around to it now.

PJ:

I think that's it

Adam:

Well, that's where I thought it was going. I thought he's going to run away and all the papers would fly everywhere, but no, somehow they remained in place.

PJ:

Yeah um, so again We'll kind of check in this later on the computer says all terrain necessary And my thought of an all terrain vehicle would have been

Adam:

Also, I want to point out that

PJ:

the

Adam:

and Bruce, it was about their skillset and with Hondo, it's just about the vehicle he drives. Uh, so what is the time check, from Boulder to Beijing? So we're just sitting around

PJ:

estimated it looking at the numbers at around 15 hours. enough time

Adam:

Well, 15 hours later, the mask team is gathered. No idea what anyone was doing during that time. Uh, and they're trying to figure out where venom would have taken the pandas. And Alex points out that they rarely survive outside of China because of the lack of food source. how does Alex know this? I wonder.

PJ:

It's not his first rodeo with pandas. Believe to keep them alive

Adam:

well they cross reference the food source and discover that pandas can survive on the parsnips that grow wild on Easter Island. okay, we'll dive into that too. But first I just want to touch on the fact that when Alex reveals that piece of information, he turns to Matt and Matt, he and Matt are like so close to, it's like a tight closeup shot on the two of them and they're inches from each other. And I'm thinking. Are they about to kiss?

PJ:

I know. Yeah, there's so much sexual tension in that look. Like Alex is so upset. He married Gloria Cause like Matt has like given that same intensity right back at him. I want, I want to back first back and say Hondo is actually the one who calls out the need to cross reference the food source.

Adam:

Yeah.

PJ:

So, so I mean, was kind of

Adam:

Good job, computer. Okay. Well, So they got to go to Easter Island, right? So Yeah. I guess parsnips I guess parsnips don't grow anywhere else

PJ:

evidence, okay, they gotta go to Easter Island.

Adam:

Uh huh. So Thunderhawk takes off from China to fly to Easter Island! How in the world is Thunderhawk capable of flying such a long distance?

PJ:

I mean, if guess the same radiation source can take as

Adam:

all right.

PJ:

fine.

Adam:

are in Thunderhawk, and they're flying over Easter Island, so they got there pretty quick. They notice Andre the artist carving something, and it Looks like the face of Miles. What?

PJ:

where are you at? your career as an international terrorist, when you've I need to carve my face into Easter Island so that future generations can come here and

Adam:

Where are you in your career as a sculptor? Where you get kidnapped by terrorists to carve their faces on the heads on Easter Island. Okay.

PJ:

I mean, to back to this. The episode though, because I, I do want to, I do want to address that. wondering when Mask would get here. So he anticipated Mask showing up.

Adam:

Thunderhawk does a low fly over. But they won't open fire because the laser blasts might hurt the pandas should have sent Alex

PJ:

Alex we know is a crack shot

Adam:

but but here's the crux of the episode right so the pandas have no purpose in this episode whatsoever But just to be like not human shields, but panda shields it could have been anything it could I mean they could have been anywhere doing anything You know, it's almost as if they said, okay, you have to have an episode that takes place in China and involves pandas and carving of stones. Oh yeah. And also Easter Island, like, all right. And even then the AI could do better than that,

PJ:

yeah, it's true. I mean, why not ransom the pandas from China for a few billion

Adam:

anyways, so Matt gets an idea for a plan. He says, we'll call it Panda Power. Uh, this episode is terrible. It's just the worst. I love it when they put the title of the episode in the line of dialogue.

PJ:

name of

Adam:

and meanwhile, the mask jet lands and Rhino and Firecracker roll out. I have questions about the size of Easter Island and if it can support the mask jet landing, but that's a whole other story, Scott and T Bob also Arrive as well. what kind of father would bring his son on a dangerous mission? Oh, right. It's Matt Tracker. Worst father ever. And it turns out they also brought the baby panda so he could be reunited with his mom and dad. So we're all here. Yeah,

PJ:

So I did have a question about this. So I was trying to think this one through. Is it, is it more dangerous to leave Scott in a hotel in China being the son of like connected to the kidnapping of pandas or bring him into Island?

Adam:

Well, cause Scott would do something stupid and you know, would absolutely get

PJ:

think the

Adam:

By the way, Scott is particularly obsessed with the baby panda, like just like his dad is. They both have a panda thing. sure.

PJ:

Do you think he has a panda thing, or is he trying to connect with his dad?

Adam:

Well, they're trying to connect the baby panda back to its parents

PJ:

didn't they just take a panda out of China? Are they any better

Adam:

Well look, operation Panda power goes into effect. Uh, Bruce uses lifter to lift Thunder Hawk into the air and on top of a wooden crate that was delivered from the Jet Thunder Hawk takes off, followed by Rhino and firecracker on the ground. Meanwhile, Miles is gazing at his likeness. Cliff and Vanessa get into an argument. About whose face will be carved next and I thought Venom was pathetic last episode. Don't know what to say. I give up Uh huh,

PJ:

absorbed you have to be, knowing that mask is nearby now,

Adam:

okay if this were ancient times and this was the only way to Immortalize yourself was to get yourself carved as like the Sphinx or something like that. Okay But it's 1985! Like, really? You need to get your face carved in stone to immortalize yourself?

PJ:

really

Adam:

artist put a lot of work into that, though. He, he seemed like he was unhappy, but, he did a swell job.

PJ:

He really did especially after flying for 13 hours and panda poop Presumably not getting any water. He has he doesn't have new clothes

Adam:

Well, Venom sees Thunderhawk flying their way, and they make fun of the crate.

PJ:

It's it's such a weird exchange

Adam:

That doesn't even

PJ:

Miles returns

Adam:

are you talking about? Was this written in another language and then translated to English or it was like written in English, translated to another language, and then translated back to English by someone who doesn't truly understand, like. I don't know how to explain this episode away other than that. Thunderhawk drops the crate. Bruce calls it Panda Candy. down, it reveals tons of bamboo shoots. And this draws the pandas away from Venom. So that's the whole, the whole Operation Panda Power was to fill a crate full of bamboo shoots, drop them away from Venom to lure the pandas away. What?

PJ:

know what else, uh, draws pandas away? Lasers. And I, I want to ask you a physics question,

Adam:

What's larger? I believe a crate is larger than a

PJ:

from a laser? Or a crate Okay.

Adam:

I had the same question. Like, uh oh, they're gonna drop those on the pandas. Well, and I mean, we know that mask never actually attacks venom in a meaningful

PJ:

hit with the crate?

Adam:

they're drawing all the pandas away just to not take very good shots at venom. So that's the whole purpose of panda power. anyways. Venom takes off, and we enter the end of episode Mask Venom battle. Firecracker and Jackhammer go head to head. Firecracker uses its hypno headlights, and Jackhammer crashes into an Easter Island statue, which crushes it. So we have a ragdoll award nominee there. Uh, meanwhile, Scott and T Bob are in motorcycle mode, racing towards the battle. Yeah. for sure. Uh, Rhino takes on Manta using the battering ram, and sends Manta into, uh, into a roll. But somehow, Vanessa survives. So, another Ragdoll Award nominee. Yeah. Mm

PJ:

Did you wonder

Adam:

She, yeah, Manta crashes a lot. She survives Manta crashes quite a bit. Then we have a good old fashioned Thunderhawk versus Switchblade battle. Switchblade transforms into jet mode, fires some missiles, Thunderhawk shoots them out of the sky. Piranha gets a flat tire, which sends Rax flying into the bamboo shoots, which is, uh, another Ragdoll Award nominee, so we got some Ragdoll Awards all over the place here. hilariously, Sly gets chased by the pandas, and actually, it's not hilarious at all, it's more like a Benny Hill episode, like, all it's missing is Yakety Sax. Miles transforms into helicopter mode. He drops a ladder for his team to climb on. Uh, and Rax is so if Vanessa goes up and Cliff goes up and Rax is the last and the pandas. Who are notoriously nonviolent, by the way. They claw at his pants, revealing his boxer shorts that have a heart on them. And now this truly is like a Benny Hill episode. Like, I mean, but also can you imagine being the writer of Rotex and then looking at this episode and saying, wait, you want a panda to claw his. His pants and reveal his boxer shorts. I don't think we're writing the same show. Awful. Just awful.

PJ:

It's terrible. I mean, there's honestly no excuse on

Adam:

yeah. Bruce says Venom's escaping and Matt says we have to let them go, Bruce. We have to take care of the pandas. Well, your whole team is there, Matt. Someone could have gone after Venom because it's a helicopter leaving Easter Island. Where the heck is he going to go? At Mach

PJ:

Okay, so I recheck everything I said earlier. It's 2, 000 miles away from the coastline of Chile. The nearest human settlement is 1, 200 miles away, so at Mach 1, this means Vanessa, Sly, and Cliff have to hold on for two hours. At Mach 1! So, I mean, like, they have to be, like, you know, holding on for dear life. For two hours, okay? hours. And if they have to go faster than that, they're probably not holding on. They're probably just

Adam:

you could fire one missile and take all four of

PJ:

Matt, you could take out three agents in one fell swoop by just

Adam:

Well, Scott and T Bob reunite the baby panda with its parents and the pandas lick T Bob as a thank you. And. Scott says, I think you've been adopted T Bob, and everyone starts laughing.

PJ:

uh, doesn't matter. Someone says.

Adam:

Okay. So Hondo was being called in for, um, all

PJ:

grading of the agent selection from above.

Adam:

Alex was used for his, what, animal skills?

PJ:

so check.

Adam:

Uh huh.

PJ:

Yes, and as far as we can tell

Adam:

Okay. And, uh, Bruce was brought along for his design skills? Uh huh.

PJ:

his design skills were used to

Adam:

Computer did another great job there. well, Scott gives the pandas some bamboo, and then shoves T Bob to the ground. And everyone laughs again, which gives us a Roy Batty moment. But why in the world does Scott just shove him to the ground? for no reason.

PJ:

such a bad look. I, it's, it's, it's now the mask jet for a 13 hour. Um, but I want to, I wanted like to ask you a question though. Like is let's just, let's just take a beat. Let's just think this Um, like these pandas were kidnapped by Venom and now they're here. I and sold them for meat. then China puts out a hit on Venom,

Adam:

them to

PJ:

And then Matt starts sending the

Adam:

Alex. keep these ones,

PJ:

that classic movie. of panda veal.

Adam:

Right,

PJ:

So what happens to him? I mean, he still smells like panda poo.

Adam:

hmm.

PJ:

He must,

Adam:

Yeah, he does.

PJ:

Matt now? so

Adam:

Mm hmm.

PJ:

so Like, uh, if, you know, if secrecy is like paramount here. You know, what, what do you do? I mean, they're flying the pandas back to China. Matt is flying with Andre and T Hawk. I just imagine Andre leaning over and say, Matt, I just want you to know, I will never tell anyone about the secret of mask. And Matt just looks at him and says, I know Andre. I know. seatbelt, does a barrel roll to see Andre screaming, falling

Adam:

Yeah, we Andre to my knowledge does not come back in the series so Yeah, whatever happened to Andre the artist from New York. Oh Yeah,

PJ:

I don't know.

Adam:

so in a way This might be the first Venom plot that actually succeeded because Miles got his statue.

PJ:

low bar

Adam:

we cut to the more you know. These are getting worse by the day as well. Scott and T Bob are building a treehouse. and Scott sees a kid down below running with sticks and Scott tells him that could be dangerous. And then T Bob falls out of the treehouse while Scott and the kid kind of shake their heads sadly. The end. What in the world? The end. Uh huh.

PJ:

I I was at such a loss because like what's the lesson because in theory the lessons don't run with sticks But then

Adam:

I mean, the typical thing would be like, then T Bob would be running with a stick and he would poke himself in his robot eye. Say, that's the last time I run with sticks! Or some terrible line like that. But, I mean, really? Don't run with sticks? Did mom write this episode?

PJ:

involved with

Adam:

the episode ends as badly as it began. So, this one is absolutely the worst one that I have seen so far. But, we still have our awards to give away. Fly Racks Ragdoll Awards. What do you got?

PJ:

Mm hmm.

Adam:

Yeah.

PJ:

I actually, I mean, like, some typical ones from Venom, but I really felt like Matt dying from being knocked over

Adam:

no, I, I, I agree because he's falling headfirst into a tomato cart that's maybe two feet deep.

PJ:

he'd be dead.

Adam:

So he's, he's dead. He's dead. So RIP Matt. We will see you next episode. Uh, father of the year. What do you

PJ:

I think giving Scott and T Bob that panda. It's like, not only are they now a target, they're now holding one of China's pandas.

Adam:

I like that one. I think taking Scott to the terrorists once again, is it continuing a theme for Matt of bringing Scott to danger? but yeah, I would say giving Scott and T Bob a targeted panda, not a great idea.

PJ:

not a great idea. I agree.

Adam:

let's wrap with the Buddy Hawks award. What do you got?

PJ:

I actually, I didn't think I had one for this, and then I realized I did. I actually think it's a double award.

Adam:

hmm.

PJ:

I think one basically is for Matt Tracker for bringing in a white artist from New York City instead of using local talent in China to design the statue. So basically just blowing that away. And then also for Miles Mayhem for also kidnapping the same said white artist from New York instead of using local talent from Chile to design his likeness. So it's, it's,

Adam:

You know, I'm surprised with the lack of quality overall in this episode from writer, I'm surprised that there aren't way more Hawks award nominees Because there are a lot of bad places this could go. but I think they handled all the Chinese characters. Probably there's one. Very well. I mean, were no tropes that concerned me. So, yeah. So I think, Matt's, Western centric beliefs of local talent of his own is Better than Chinese talent? Sure, I'll go with that. Well, this was the absolute worst. Will the next one be any better? It's episode 28 called Blackout. Venom has a new vehicle called Blackout, which is capable of draining power supplies. I hope it's good.

PJ:

mean, I think it's better, I'll just say that much. I don't know if you can get much worse at this point in time. I think I, I truly hope and believe we have hit the nadir of all the episodes where like Venom, maybe this really is the moment Miles looks at himself and says like, all right, what am I doing? I gotta, I gotta fix something.

Adam:

Well, we will find out, but for now this podcast has to transform and head back to HQ. I am Adam Moore.

PJ:

And I am PJ McNerney. Bye.

Adam:

Bye bye.

PJ:

Bye.

The mobile armored podcast show is written, produced and edited. Bye Adam Moore. And PJ McNerney.