Mobile Armored Podcast Show

Matt Trakker: Dutch Dikes and Drugs

• Adam Moore and PJ McNerney • Season 1 • Episode 35

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Matt Trakker, Scott, and T-Bob are continuing their European vacation with a trip to the Netherlands to enjoy the tulips, the windmills, the amazing construction and maintenance of the dikes…and probably some pharmaceuticals that are uniquely legal in Amsterdam.

All of a sudden when one of the dikes is shattered, nearly drowning our intrepid travelers! Time for Matt to abandon Scott…er…I mean, to investigate this mystery. Meanwhile, T-Bob thinks he sees a flying windmill and proceeds to ask every windmill owner whether it is going to be taking off soon.

When V.E.N.O.M.’s appears on the scene, Matt’s unnatural calm about him carries him through discovering Mayhem, crashing into the ocean, nearly drowning beneath the waves, and then getting Thunderhawk towed by a local mechanic. He even gives Scott an affection hug, despite the fact that Scott wasn’t imminently about to die! Who is this guy?

Matt wastes no more time in calling in M.A.S.K., including his wife Gloria Baker, pizza-guy-turned-mechanic Dusty Hayes, and local Amsterdam expert, Brad Turner to the scene.

Meanwhile, Miles is meeting with a Dutch ersatz Ernst Blofeld, complete with cat, who wants to become prime minister and willing to threaten the country’s safety to do it. That is, until his phone call to the current PM doesn’t work and the villain gets cold feet.

But thankfully, Miles is made of sterner stuff and, transforming his ship into an oil platform to rival the SDF-1, Miles is ready to make the Netherlands pay…

Hopefully Matt and co will be able to get off the good stuff long enough to stop them! And cause an ecological disaster in the process!

Join Adam Moore and PJ McNerney for the finer points of water retention structures, massive transforming structures, and questionable use of pharmaceuticals on the Mobile Armored Podcast Show!!!

https://www.instagram.com/m.a.s.k.podcast/

Adam:

Welcome to the Mobile Armored Podcast Show. The podcast that transforms into a windmill, which then transforms into a helicopter.

PJ:

that then transforms into a jet.

Adam:

Yep, exactly. My name is Adam Moore, alongside my co-host and best friend PJ McNerney. How's it going?

PJ:

I am, I'm doing all right, man. This is an interesting episode and I'll justify this statement at the end, but I kind of wanted venom to win this time. I kind of felt like they deserved it,

Adam:

They put up a good fight, I'll tell you that much. This is one of their most credible threats we've seen so far.

PJ:

It really is. And I felt like they actually were really acting competently the

Adam:

Mm-hmm. Yeah,

PJ:

and I wanna talk a little bit about what's going on with almost all of the mask agents.

Adam:

I'm looking forward to that. I'll also point out that the episode is sophisticated, I mean relatively for, for mask because you have the great moment where like kind of the, the other villain in the episode has the change of heart and it shows that venom, it takes things even further, which. Makes Venom feel even more evil. You know what I mean? Like some episodes they're carving their faces on the Easter Island statues in this episode. It's like the bad guy who hired them said, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait a minute. I never said do that. And Miles says, I don't care. I'm gonna do it anyways. Like that's a good villainist twist.

PJ:

it really is. Especially coming off. Know, we've had a couple of goofball ones this I Miles is on top of his game. We got a lot of really cool set pieces from Venom and I got some questions about mask.

Adam:

Well, let's go man. It's episode 35 in Dutch, a madman hires venom to destroy the flood dikes in the Netherlands if their parliament doesn't allow him a political position. Now that position is Prime Minister. And I feel there's probably some constitutional issues unless this quote unquote madman who doesn't seem like he's a madman. But anyways, unless he's a member of the Dutch Parliament, there's a very solid reason why he can't become the Prime Minister. But

PJ:

we're gonna get into the mechanics of this,

Adam:

yeah.

PJ:

Because he is got a great reveal. Like it's, it's fun. And he seems almost like he's gonna be a blow feld type character,

Adam:

Yeah, very much so.

PJ:

he, he's not.

Adam:

No, he, he really isn't. But let's dive right in. Okay. So we open on Tulip Fields, so we must be in Holland. And Scott and t Bobb are what? Crawling around on the ground. Hiding from Matt.

PJ:

My, my reaction was, Scott, we understand why you're trying to escape your father, but it is no good. This is, this is not enough.

Adam:

Well, we are now on top of one of the dikes and we're looking out at the ocean and a heavily accented Dutchman named Johann, who, I'm just gonna toss out there for Buddy Hawks nominee, just for the sake of it. He explains that much of the country is below sea level.

PJ:

this guy is insane, and we should drop some audio clips from this guy I, I don't know what to say. I mean,

Adam:

Well, he's like a mix between Yoda and the Swedish chef. Like he has this line, what T TB is scared of being on, on top of the dyke for some reason. And the guy says,

Dutch Idiot:

Little machine friend, you needn't be afraid. The dikes are very safe. Let me show you.

Adam:

So Johan shows off the country's latest invention, which is an ultrasound analyzer, and it studies the dikes to make sure they're in good working order. So he asks,

Dutch Idiot:

You feel safe now, little machine? We'll see, as long as I don't see the sea. He is so funny.

Adam:

he is TBS biggest fan. He just loves this guy. Doesn't question the fact, by the way that t Bobb is a sentient robot,

PJ:

He loves him so much that I really wondered if he either leads an incredibly happy life just a, Very joyless one

Adam:

well, suddenly dogs start barking and Matt says, sounds like the place is going to the dogs. And then Tbo starts malfunctioning, and Johan still thinks it's funny. And now I'm starting to think that Johan is either drunk or stoned.

PJ:

All right. This leads me into a pet theory I've got for this episode and

Adam:

Uhhuh.

PJ:

for mask. mask agents are on drugs this episode, So Johann's, our first Johann, I think he's obviously not a mask agent, but I think he's on drugs.

Adam:

Yeah, no, he's laughing way too much at t Bobb to be of, you know, sound, mind and body. suddenly the dike starts leaking and it bursts, and Matt helps everyone climb up a tree to escape the rushing water, but the tree falls over, but they manage to climb up to a high ground. It's actually a pretty compelling opening of an episode. this is how you should begin a 22 minute episode of an action series is right off the bat, you should have a threat and you should put your characters in danger, which is rarely something that happens in a mask episode.

PJ:

I know. they climb up the, that tree and they, and the tree, as you said, starts to fall over. I love the shot Scott looking so terrified as that tree starts to go over.

Adam:

Yeah.

PJ:

he is scared.

Adam:

Which is weird because he's been in scarier places than this.

PJ:

It's

Adam:

a tree about to fall into water. It's like, well, probably not as bad as the time. You almost died on a cable car,

PJ:

or, or falling down that crevasse after trying to rescue tbo,

Adam:

right?

PJ:

with the ink and thing.

Adam:

Yeah. But, and Matt dive in to save him.

PJ:

Yeah. He's like got his arm around him. He's carrying, it's like, whoa. There's actually a lot of affection for Scott this episode.

Adam:

Yeah. You know, there is, and, and you know, it's, it's true affection because you know, Matt doesn't bother to take off his his suit jacket. He's in his, he's in his full blue suit when he's swimming in the water there.

PJ:

I will move to recall this moment later on though. I mean, just to,

Adam:

Okay.

PJ:

as, as evidence.

Adam:

Noted. Well, meanwhile, we are at a lovely Dutch home. Does Matt own this too?

PJ:

Adam, what does it Matt own at this point in time?

Adam:

Yeah. I mean, I think he does stay at hotels sometimes, but also a lot of the time he seems to just show up somewhere and buy a home.

PJ:

How do you know he doesn't own those hotels?

Adam:

That's true. Well, Scott is trying to sleep but t Bobb is keeping him awake. Oiling his joints. I mean, and I mean his joints like, you know, his elbows and knees, not the joints he might buy at Amsterdam Bar t Bobb spots a windmill flying in the sky.

PJ:

if T Bobb could be stoned, that could explain what he is seeing. So I'm saying this is drug usage number two

Adam:

Very good. Noted.

PJ:

of how he's gonna be acting after this moment. it's a little unhinged.

Adam:

Well, the next morning Scott asks Matt if they're going to look into why the dyke failed, and Matt reveals that Venom has been operating in this part of Europe. So once again, PJ Matt brings his son to an area of the world where a terrorist organization is operating. I mean, it's just, it's almost cliche at this point to say another father of the year nominee

PJ:

I, I, it's entirely indefensible. I will try my, my darnedest. Matt doesn't know if he's dealing with the venom, that's a credible threat like he just had in Paris

Adam:

Uhhuh.

PJ:

the Venom where they think a magic sword is gonna make him invincible like they just had in Rome. So it's like a roll the dice for him. But you're right, Matt's continuing his history of child endangerment.

Adam:

Yeah, we've talked about this in a previous episode too. You know, are Matt's vacations based on his belief or the proof that he has that Venom is operating in an area, he's like, Hey, let's go on vacation to Tokyo because he knows Venom is there. In which case, I don't think this guy knows how to vacation. It's,

PJ:

a good point. Can't leave work at home, actually, this could be an interesting thing. We'll get back to 20 episodes from now, which is, is the reason why Scott is no longer with Matt is because Child Protective Services finally stepped in and that's why he's missing from all of season two.

Adam:

Yeah. And, and Matt just doesn't care to talk about it.

PJ:

So would the conversation be like, where's Scott who?

Adam:

Well T Bobb runs off to look at a windmill. He claims is about to take off, and then Matt sends Scott to go after him saying that TBO is his responsibility. So lemme get this straight. The robot who's supposed to take care of Scott is then also Scott's responsibility.

PJ:

Yeah, I know. which is amazing because now we're like entrusting a child to take care of, himself and something else. So I felt the same way. Now we do have confirmation

Adam:

Right.

PJ:

that Scott created Bobb, so it is kind of an Anakin C3 PO situation. and, but it is clear, we have data that shows that Matt has trusted Scott to t Bob's care in the past. But I had a question for you is actually Matt Disassociating, t Bobb and Scott, and can't keep track of who's the robot and who's the adopted son. And so, and again, I wanna call back to this moment a little bit for Matt's state of mind.

Adam:

Well, I was about to say, if you're looking for proof that they're all on drugs. Yes. Matt is in a, in a disassociative state right now. Well, Matt asked the computer for any suspicious activity just anywhere. Fortunately, it does focus in on, you know, Netherlands and it turns out an ultrasound analyzer was stolen 17 days ago. And don't you think Matt could have put these pieces together a little sooner? Or like if the computer knew that, was it holding the information back from Matt?

PJ:

I wondered about this. So yeah, a hundred percent. The computer's not being proactive about this sort of thing.

Adam:

Yeah,

PJ:

sitting on relevant information, doing nothing to alert them. But here's my question, Adam. Do things like this happen so often to Matt that it's kind of like the iPhone shut off notifications. Like

Adam:

yeah.

PJ:

a world of mask, is there so much going on? You just get pinged all the time

Adam:

I mean, he's into unusual situations. That's his whole thing. That's, that's what gets him up in the morning. Right. So you'd think he'd have the computer tuned to alert him when there are unusual situations like an ultrasound analyzer being stolen.

PJ:

sure. But in a world where we've sort of red conned that GI Joe and Transformers exist, that could range everywhere from an attack on Audubon City to a giant snake monster to, you know, Hey, there's a threesome going on in Amsterdam that needs a fourth. Do you wanna come in, Matt? So, I mean, like, what, what do you want the computer to me, to alert Matt? Which, which unusual situation do you want that to, to pop to the top?

Adam:

True, true issue of tuning the sensitivity of it.

PJ:

Yeah, they don't have yet, man.

Adam:

No, no, no. Good point. Well, we cut to venom and it turns out that they modified the analyzer to create ultrasonic vibrations that destroyed the dyke. It turns out they've built an even bigger one. And if I can just say by bigger, it's like two stories or three stories tall,

PJ:

It's true. This thing is

Adam:

three stories tall. It's like the, the NASA crawler that rolls out the Saturn five rocket.

PJ:

Then it went all out on this one. Man.

Adam:

Meanwhile, for no reason whatsoever, we cut to tbo knocking on the door of a windmill. And when the guy who is working inside opens it up, he asked the guy, when's the next flight?

PJ:

I'm gonna double down. This is more evidence that TBOs on drugs

Adam:

Yes, yes.

PJ:

for'em.

Adam:

Which might be oil.

PJ:

what is in that oil though? Like, what is it that hemp

Adam:

Mm-hmm.

PJ:

that he's been squirting into his joints.

Adam:

There you go. Previously it's been olive oil. But yeah, this might be a little CBD. We are in Amsterdam. Well, we cut back to Venom and Miles is talking to Alec, a very bond villain guy who's even stroking a white cat in his arms and Miles says, you pay me$20 million and I'll hand you all of Holland on a silver platter. And Alec says, very well proceed with phase two. And the cat says, meow, and you gotta love an evil cat.

PJ:

You really do and they're definitely going for that. I think this is, never say never again had come out in 83, I

Adam:

Mm-hmm.

PJ:

Which I think had a Blofeld esque sort of thing, or there was another one recently with Blofeld and the white cat, maybe it was Diamonds or Forever. Diamonds or Forever had come out in only like five years earlier maybe.

Adam:

Mm-hmm.

PJ:

And so like definitely had that trope going on. also I love, like his opening line for Alec is something like, y'all price is very high. And I love that Alex is negotiating with the terrorist who's just demonstrated he can destroy mo like a good chunk of Alex's country. 20 million is a low price for this, considering the GDP of the Netherlands in 85 was 144 billion US dollars.

Adam:

Yeah. miles seems to just kind of spin, a a wheel of fortune to determine how much he's gonna ask for any given thing.'cause before he's asked for like a couple billion dollars, sometimes he a, he just wants to carve his face in a statue. This time it's. 20 million, which I, I I'm telling you that 20 million does not cover the cost of that giant thing they built.

PJ:

yeah, it's been 3 billion for the Statue of Liberty,

Adam:

Mm-hmm.

PJ:

15 billion I think for Oslo,

Adam:

Yeah.

PJ:

and 20 billion for the Netherlands. So it's, it's definitely like a spin the wheel or a darts board scenario here.

Adam:

absolutely.

PJ:

They do do a cool shot, of the cat's eye with a, like a faked reflection of miles in it.

Adam:

Yeah.

PJ:

they lean into that evil cat thing.

Adam:

Yeah. Maybe it's the catch, the one behind it all.

PJ:

Dun dun.

Adam:

Well, meanwhile, TBO uh, still trying to prove that windmills can fly he accidentally gets caught in a windmill blade and is lifted into the air.

PJ:

I tried to find some research on this'cause I don't think this would actually work. I am nearly certain that the the wood of that windmill would crack under the weight of, of tbo.

Adam:

Agreed.

PJ:

I tried to do some research on the strength here and I did some, find some vague mentions that in the 16 hundreds the Dutch used windmills for torture devices, but didn't have any concrete references. I

Adam:

that, that's one torture device that required the wind. Like, sorry, can't torture you today. There's no wind. Well, meanwhile, venom rolls out the mega ultrasonic machine. This thing is enormous, you know, it really is like the, the NASA Mega Rocket Mover, which I believe is the official name for it.

PJ:

Oh, okay.

Adam:

Yeah, yeah. I did the

PJ:

rocket mover.

Adam:

myself. Yeah, the mega Rocket mover back to Matt. He and some other Dutch guy are watching a dyke under construction and they are all very well made, so it must have been unnatural causes for the dyke's failure. And I'm just like, didn't Matt establish this already?

PJ:

Yeah, I wondered about this and I, again, now I'm, I'm up for the Writer's Defense Award. maybe the Netherlands exists outside of the PNA and Matt needs to establish some facts on the ground with some outside folks to then justify bringing his paramilitary group in. It's gotta be unnatural, huh?

Adam:

Right. Gotta go blow things up. Uh,

PJ:

Will.

Adam:

they sure will. Well, we're back with Scott and t Bobb basically tilting at windmills and t bobb spots the windmill whose blades are turning in the opposite direction. We watch as it launches into the sky.

PJ:

Okay. there is something cool and it's weird, but it's

Adam:

Yeah.

PJ:

but it's also a weird choice on Venom's part to have this be a part of their plan. Like it felt

Adam:

Yeah, it's not like that's, has anything to do with the plan whatsoever. Like the plan is not based around a windmill. It's based around a very undisguised, giant ultrasonic vibration machine.

PJ:

it's like they had the meeting with Alec in front of that windmill, but like pulling the permits alone would probably take a while. Like this is not, this is really elaborate.

Adam:

It really is. but speaking of this flying windmill, see Bob very excited that it actually exists and he says, quick call your dad on your radio. And uh, Matt ticks the call in Thunder Hawk and uh, he says, I'm off to play Don Coyote flying Windmill. That's even stranger than a flying car. He says it like super chill like that.

PJ:

Yes, exactly. And if you see this shot of his eyes, it's like he's really sedate. So

Adam:

Yes.

PJ:

think we have enough evidence right now to say that's on drugs.

Adam:

Okay.

PJ:

three.

Adam:

I'm on board with that. I think Mattis stoned for sure.

PJ:

And catch up to it and it transforms into jet mode. at his face again. Still super sedate.

Adam:

Yeah. And his line is a costume party and I wasn't invited. Well, things are about to get pretty serious because a piece of the windmill you know, lands on thunder hawk's windshield as, as it's flying. Matt can't see, which allows switchblade to kind of nearly land on top of Thunder Hawk and switch on the afterburners, which causes Thunder Hawk to fall from the sky crash into the water and sink.

PJ:

Yeah, it was a really cool move on Miles's part, and also kind of like a top gun esque move, to get in that close. So I thought it was actually kind of awesome again, like Miles is, he's on his game this episode.

Adam:

He really is on his game. And as Thunder Hawk is going down, I could only think of one thing, what's gonna happen.

PJ:

I don't know. I dunno.

Adam:

Well, we will find out after these messages.

Mask doesn't know what it's getting into. We'll be right back. Now back to mask and venom.

Adam:

We're back and we're here to mourn the death and celebrate the all too short life of MA's leader and founder Matt Tracker, who just crashed to the sea and is gone forever. Pj, any thoughts? Mm-hmm.

PJ:

sad. I mean, I think um, we can look back on Matt's life as a as a father, a number of times. He said to Scott, go to the hotel

Adam:

Yeah.

PJ:

an investor and the number of weapons of mass destruction and biological experiments he funded.

Adam:

Mm-hmm.

PJ:

And uh, you know, let's be frank, like Gloria and Scott will have to find a way to move on with the billions and billions of dollars they've inherited now. So

Adam:

That's true.

PJ:

in

Adam:

Well, rest in peace. The uh, star that burns brightest burns for half as long you will be missed. We will be back after these messages. Just kidding. We find Thunder Hawk lying at the bottom of the ocean floor upside down. Spectrum's. Lasers are out, the doors are jammed.

PJ:

I thought this weird, the masks aren't waterproof. Like,

Adam:

yeah.

PJ:

there is, there's a giant dent in his helmet, but at the

Adam:

Right.

PJ:

I'm just like, it feels like a deep flaw.

Adam:

I bet Gloria is. I bet Aura is probably waterproof.

PJ:

right. I think you're right. Yeah. he's still sedate though. he's

Adam:

Yeah.

PJ:

super, super sedate. Like when you look at him. So the drugs have not worn off.

Adam:

No, they haven't. I mean, thunder Hawk is upside down. It's filling with water, and Matt's just still cool as a cucumber, he realizes nothing's gonna work. but then it clicks rockets work underwater, which I guess they do. You can correct Matt. And he uses a rocket on the underside of Thunder Hawk to escape from underwater. And once on land, Matt says, that's a heck of a way to wash a car. And I say, it's also a heck of a way to deal with PTSD.

PJ:

I kind of wonder how much of this episode Matt's gonna remember.

Adam:

very little. we are back at the cottage,

PJ:

well it's funny because Matt has Thunder Hawk towed back to the cottage. Like he has to call up somebody And in whatever broken Dutch, like, explain that they need to go onto the dyke, flip thunder, hawk upside down to right, side it up and then tow it back to the cottage. So like there's an entire missing scene here of a crane involved to get Thunder Hawk, you know, into a towable state.

Adam:

Yeah, totally. Well, and then Scott comes running out of the cottage.

PJ:

And Matt Hugs Scott

Adam:

Yeah. Like a really fatherly way. Like he picks Scott up like a toddler.

PJ:

it's very affectionate. Do we need any more proof that Matt's on drugs?

Adam:

we do not. It's, it's been proven. Well, we go to the agent selection scene and he says, select agents best suited for mission in Holland. Well, who do you think is gonna be first up for that one? Brad Turner. Of course, he's best suited for a mission in Amsterdam. He is probably already there.

PJ:

That was a hundred percent my thought. He's intimately familiar with the area,

Adam:

Yep.

PJ:

so it's like you want Brad there to at least give you directions.

Adam:

Uh, We got Dusty Hayes and of course we've got Gloria Baker, champion Race, driver, black Belt, and Kung Fu team, Hottie and Matt's wife.

PJ:

Mm-hmm.

Adam:

sorry to say, there are no escape scenes. Instead uh, we just go to Boulder Hill where the team gets briefed by Matt on the Giant Big Brother screen.

PJ:

Do you think that they can tell that he's stoned out of his mind as well?

Adam:

Well, on that big screen, I'm, his eyes are really big, so I'm sure they can see how bloodshot they are or how big his pupils are. Dilated. Brad's like, oh, I I got you. Matt

PJ:

Matt, you need some shades right now. So flight time check Denver to Amsterdam direct is gonna be about 11 hours.

Adam:

Uhhuh.

PJ:

if Brad's allowed to fly, I think it's closer to 15. So.

Adam:

Do you mean if he's allowed to fly, like on condor?

PJ:

No, I meant if he's allowed to fly the mask jet,

Adam:

Oh yeah.

PJ:

I don't think he is gonna make it a straight line.

Adam:

No, he's not. We cut to a quick lesson Where Scott and t Bobb learn what windmills actually grind, which is like wheat and barley. Like okay,

PJ:

this was a really weird cutaway. I wasn't sure if it was done for time cause it was like this almost could have been the lesson at the end. Just as like education though. So I'm glad kids are getting educated in how grain is made. And quite frankly, it's like, oh, like Scott and Tbo are just doing tourist shit right now.

Adam:

have nothing else to do. Well, we cut to the mask jet in flight, and then it lands and we see gator and shark rolling out after, after landing. where's Condor?

PJ:

Well, Brad's not allowed to drive at the moment. He's, he's still coming off his high.

Adam:

I see, I see.

PJ:

just give him, give him a little bit. Just give him a little bit,

Adam:

Okay. Well, the mass team arrives at the giant building where Venom was building their ultrasonic device. I mean, this building is a massive tower in the middle of nowhere. Don't you wonder what the locals were thinking when it went up? Like,

PJ:

what you will about Venom. know how to pull, building permits. They know how to work with the local bureaucracies to get their shit built.

Adam:

yeah, but, but of all the things that you might want to disguise, like as a windmill or something, maybe that building rather than switchblade would've been the thing.

PJ:

Good point, sir. Fair, huh?

Adam:

Well Brad spot's tread Treks leading out from the building and towards the ocean. And so Matt and Brad will take to the sky. Dusty warns Matt to take it easy on Thunder Hawk, though, because Dusty fixed it up, but it's held together by chewing gum and I'm concerned that Dusty doesn't have the proper know-how to actually repair a complex machine like Thunder Hawk.

PJ:

I'll double down on this one because actually ironically, at this point, wouldn't Scott be the right person to actually fix Thunder Hawk?

Adam:

Mm-hmm.

PJ:

we have established Scott. Scott has built tbo and he

Adam:

Right.

PJ:

Thunder Hawk with Bruce after it was destroyed in Solar Park.

Adam:

Yeah, But here, lemme add, just add something to that. If he's doing the agent selection scene and he knows that Thunder Hawk got beat up, what did he maybe just want to call Buddy and Bruce to come and, Up thunder properly. I mean, We know that buddies right there at Boulder Hill anyways, Well, meanwhile, onboard a massive container ship. Venom is inspecting their giant ultrasonic device with the Dutch Bond villain. And this is where we learn that Alec says, I should have been made Prime Minister of Holland. Now I shall be the Prime Minister. So would you care to explain how causing an epic disaster will achieve this goal? Sir, by the way, also I love, right after that line is said, I. Miles is so patronizing.

Dutch Ersatz Bad Guy:

Now I shall be Prime Minister. Of course.

Adam:

of course. Yeah, sure, pal. Whatever.

PJ:

I'll realize that I did not research the, the government of Holland or the Netherlands in such a way to understand how their system of government works.

Adam:

Yeah,

PJ:

very well could be the one who threatens the biggest disaster, is the one who gets picked as Prime Minister.

Adam:

yeah,

PJ:

But what I love about, both for Miles and the audience, is that we've seen this before, miles and er just doing a do uh, a job for hire. So Miles could not care less. I.

Adam:

Right,

PJ:

For who's in charge, as long as he's getting paid.

Adam:

right.

PJ:

such, he doesn't bother to question this logic of this

Adam:

Yeah.

PJ:

it's like, Sure, Whatever. I'll do it. Well, fine. Fuck it. You pay me 20 million. I'll, I

Adam:

Yeah.

PJ:

I do not care.

Adam:

Yeah.

PJ:

does not matter in my schemes.

Adam:

Well Miles transform the boat. Into an oil rig. So like this thing is crazy. So the boat basically goes horizontal, sinks down, and then opens up so that it really looks like an offshore oil rig. I mean, the technology is off the charts. This is like the SD F1 from robo tech transforming like almost to that scale. And the fact that he only wants 20 million for this gig just shows how economically unsophisticated venom is, like technologically sophisticated, economically stupid.

PJ:

Yeah. I, I, yeah, a hundred percent. And it's, it's, it is one of these things where it's like, you're right. Like I heard the robot tech theme song in my head as it was

Adam:

Yeah. Yeah,

PJ:

I think this would've either actually been one of the coolest toys in the world or one of the

Adam:

yeah

PJ:

but it's actually a really cool idea for hiding in plain sight.

Adam:

yeah.

PJ:

believe it or not, there's like a pseudoscience corner you can do on this. So there's actually a version of this that exists in real life. and it's called the RV Flip. And it was, it's used for Oceanic graphic research where it was this platform that in order to be steady in the ocean could flood its rear end and go completely vertical. So they actually had to like all this cool stuff inside. So you

Adam:

Wow.

PJ:

this thing go 90 degrees and it's a oh, kind of ship that transformed into a stationary rig. So it's actually really similar to the opening shot of what Venom is doing here Now, Venom's way cooler'cause it expands and, and

Adam:

Right.

PJ:

this stuff, but it's,

Adam:

That's so cool.

PJ:

based on some reality. Does point to one thing that Venom's rolling in dough again,

Adam:

Yeah.

PJ:

a theory on it.

Adam:

Okay.

PJ:

So after that incident with the German finance minister and the, you know, making all the money disappear, I think Venom seized his assets. why they have cool toys again, and that's why they're not living in Hovels all the, all the time that, that Chateau in France that they

Adam:

Mm-hmm.

PJ:

in, in Paris. So

Adam:

Excellent point. But as you pointed out, this is a great way to, to hide in plain sight because in fact, mask flies right over it. It just looks like a regular oil rig to them. So back with Venom, the Dutch Bond villain calls the Prime Minister and orders him to step down, or he'll destroy every dike in Holland. But the Prime Minister doesn't believe him, and Alec is dumbfounded. He is like he, he doesn't believe me. He says I'm crazy. And Miles has another one of his greatest lines ever. I despise unreasonable people, which I agree with. I too despise unreasonable people, pj.

PJ:

This is what I'm saying. Miles is on top of things. Like I'm

Adam:

Yeah.

PJ:

Miles's court this entire episode. So let's look at it from the perspective of the Prime Minister. Okay? He gets a call from some rando official or rich guy that he'll quote unquote destroy the country. because the Prime Minister isn't insane, he doesn't believe the rando. Okay? now this Dutch Bond villain is like completely stunned when the Prime Minister doesn't immediately step down and declare this guy King, on a phone call. So was like, what's the series of steps that was in this guy's head that thought this was gonna happen? Like, oh, I'll destroy a dam, I'll make a phone call, then I'll be in charge. Then I'll call my mom and let her know I did it.

Adam:

I just wanna add one other element to it is that the guy is actually able to get the Prime Minister on the phone in the first place. Like Imagine Call, imagine call the White House, like put the president on the line.

PJ:

What would be great nowadays, I've never tried to call the White House. But probably today you'd actually get put through like a press one if you'd like to talk to the tour. Like you'd actually have to wait through the phone

Adam:

right.

PJ:

to try and work your way through.

Adam:

Yeah.

PJ:

guys sort of wonder like, you know, how long was this guy on the phone? Like, no, I need to speak with the Prime Minister. Yeah, I'm going, no, I'm going to just remember that dam, the dam that had a not I can do that again. I don't want to be placed on hold. No, I, oh I'm gonna hold again. And Miles is just there, just grimacing in the background. Just like,

Adam:

Of course.

PJ:

20 million I've had to,

Adam:

Well, after this unfortunate response from the Prime Minister, miles prepares to turn on the device, but the bond villain changes his tune. He never wanted to destroy Holland. He only wanted to bluff, and Miles says, I never bluff.

PJ:

I mean, say what you will about Miles, but he's earning his terrorist title this episode.

Adam:

Yeah. This is the moment that I said, this is the really sophisticated turn in the episode, which I mean, you've seen it before in many episodes, but like, you know, the bad guy. Like, actually no, no, no, I don't wanna go that far. And then the real bad guy is like, no, I, I take it, this all the way to the end.

PJ:

Yeah. he's gonna do it. he also doesn't wanna look bad.

Adam:

No, he does not look bad. dusty and Gloria, they encounter cracks on the dykes and uh, Matt then scans and finds the coordinates of the ultrasonic signal and then all of mass converges on the oil rig. I'll say this, at least this time, all the right vehicles were chosen for the mission. The two ones that fly and the two ones on the water. Rhinos not there. Uselessly you know firecracker, hurricane, they're not there. Uselessly. So good job.

PJ:

this was a hundred percent right. Vehicles are here, awesome job.

Adam:

So Matt fires a sonic disruptor, which jams the analyzer, okay?

PJ:

So I got a little frustrated by this a bit because know from all, for all intents and purposes, thunder hawks back up and running perfectly fine. I kind of thought this would be a great point call back to t talk, being out of commission or put a time limit on

Adam:

Mm-hmm.

PJ:

that basically connects back to the stakes of Thunder Hawk being damaged

Adam:

Yeah.

PJ:

it gets pretty weak sauce about that pretty soon.

Adam:

Yeah, I mean, it, it very much, you know, lams out at the end. yeah, this is another, this is not a DEO X helmet. It's a DEO XT hawk this time. Well now that mask is here and the thing isn't working. Alec is glad he wants to stop it and get his money back, but Miles is keeping the money and whatever the Dutch government coughs up as well.

PJ:

I really enjoyed the idea that this was like Amazon, where you can just get a refund, so I, I, you know what? I would've sympathize with Miles at this point in time. It's like, look, I just dumped$2 million developing this two story like ultrasonic analyzer. Like, I'm not returning your money.

Adam:

Well, we dive into the final mask, venom battle piranha takes to the ocean. Manta takes to the sky. So again, we have the right venom vehicles for the task at hand. Um, What's actually really cool is Thunder Hawk though it's completely damaged uh, takes out switchblade before it can even take off, like blows off. One of its one of its sort of landing runners and Matt States coldly Thunder Hawk owed you that one mayhem.

PJ:

man messed with Matt's true love

Adam:

you come after Thunder Hawk now it's personal for Matt. Not Scott, not Gloria, not anything else. If you touch Thunder Hawk, you're going down uh, we have a cool Piha shark battle under the water. Gloria fires an ink cloud and then fires a net, which captures piranha. And it's like what the amount of fire power she's got. Just blow it up.

PJ:

We've seen those headlights fire off before. Just

Adam:

Yeah.

PJ:

'em and be done with it. Or

Adam:

And we,

PJ:

she's got on board.

Adam:

we know she's a killer. She's a stone cold killer. We've seen it before. I don't know what stops her this time, but unless it was, the net was gonna, I don't know, somehow pin per to the ground. And sly was going to die of, you know, either drown or asphyxiate,

PJ:

It's true. Maybe it would be too easy for her. It's like, I want you to suffer sly. Suffer long. Suffer hard.

Adam:

Up in the sky manta buzzes, condor causing Brad to crash into the ocean, but shark kind of catches condor on its roof and brings him back up to the surface.

PJ:

I was using this as Brad's on drugs, I mean naturally,

Adam:

Yeah, yeah,

PJ:

taking

Adam:

sure.

PJ:

to fourth use of drugs. All basically mask or mask affiliated people.

Adam:

Uhhuh. Yep. Brad shoots a hole in the ship with the anti-matter ray and causes it to start sinking.

PJ:

All right. So I wanted to ask you a question, right?

Adam:

Yeah,

PJ:

All the venom agents are off this ship as far as we know, unless there's

Adam:

yeah.

PJ:

a bunch of rando mask, like masked venom agents that are just canon fodder.

Adam:

Mm-hmm.

PJ:

necessary to sink the ship at this point in time? wouldn't it be better to go on and destroy the machine? Because who's to say it can't work underwater?

Adam:

Right. The assumption being that the device will stop working if it goes down. I mean, is it necessary to destroy the machine? No. Is it fun for Brad to do it? Yes.

PJ:

Well, ship is now sinking in the water, and I wanna talk about that

Adam:

Yeah.

PJ:

in a sec. Okay.

Adam:

Well, guess what happens? Venom gets away because Thunder Hawk is not up for a long distance chase is what Matt says, but it's been doing pretty well during this battle. Plus there's multiple mask vehicles available, however, Nope. Just let him get away.

PJ:

So This is the payoff of it being damaged. It's just another excuse not to chase venom.

Adam:

I mean, dude, he blew up switchblade. I, I think thunder hawk's probably up for a little bit of a, a chase. But anyways, off they go. However, there is some justice because Dusty picks up the Dutch Bond villain and Matt says, bring him in dusty dust. that's one guy who's really going to be in Dutch. And now here's what I need to to talk about here. This is the name of the episode in Dutch. So I always love it when the name of an episode is in the episode itself. But I am. too young. But I had to look up what the phrase in Dutch means. So what it means is in trouble or disfavor, as in, if I don't finish on time, I'll really be in Dutch. And this expression may allude to the stern reprimands of a Dutch uncle slang circa 1850.

PJ:

Yeah. I'm really glad that kids will know all about mid 19th century slang that this being used in this episode. That's what the writer was thinking.

Adam:

But is this something that was from like westerns, like John Wayne Westerns or something back in the day or something? I, I, I couldn't find a reference to, to it anywhere.

PJ:

I've never encountered this before. The closest thing is when you say you're on a date and going Dutch, which means you're splitting it.

Adam:

Right, Well, good One, real, real way to nail it at the end of the episode.

PJ:

Tied it all together for us folks. So they did actually have this one little shot where they animate the cat darting from Alec onto Ga Gator, which

Adam:

Yep.

PJ:

fun,

Adam:

Yeah.

PJ:

but then they back to Matt's face who's still on drugs.

Adam:

Just a sedate smile on his face. As he heroically flies over, the hulking and burning wreck of the, the fake oil rig

PJ:

Okay, so I wanna break this last one down for you.

Adam:

Uhhuh.

PJ:

back to my comment about, okay, so what fuel source, Adam? One of two. You can pick either one.

Adam:

Yeah.

PJ:

that ship or platform be running on?

Adam:

I mean, look, it really depends. If, if we're going something natural, it's gonna be some diesel fuel. But if it's, you know, venom, venom, it's probably, you know, a, a nuclear reactor,

PJ:

either way, we're either leaking fuel from diesel into the water Because they never turned off the machine. They just shot a ray into the side of it to make it sink,

Adam:

Yeah,

PJ:

it's leaking radioactive material into the water.

Adam:

yeah.

PJ:

Either way, what kind of environmental damage is being done right now?

Adam:

Well, I'm gonna go ahead and take the the DeLorean time machine example here. And I'm gonna say that the ship runs on crude oil, like on diesel fuel, but the machine was powered by plutonium. So it's a double whammy here. It's a massive oil spill to spoiling the pristine shoreline of the Netherlands while making the water radioactive for centuries to come.

PJ:

So, what's great Adam, is that you can't get a crew in to clean it up because of the radiation. The best you'll be able to do is set that diesel fuel on fire to try and eliminate it,

Adam:

Right, right. Hopefully not, you know, igniting any of the nuclear fuel. This is the Exxon Valdez meets three Mile Island off the coast of Holland. Well done. Well, that's it. After uh, destroying yet another ecosystem, we cut to the more, you know Scott's on the tennis court at the tracker mansion and for some reason. TBO jumps off the roof and lands on the tennis court Scott and Matt are wondering, what are you doing? And T Bobb says, I saw a guy jump off a building on a TV show once, and then the lesson is tbo. You should never try a stunt you see on tv.

PJ:

I have so many thoughts, man. So has t VB finally had enough gonna end it all.

Adam:

Yeah, that's what I thought when I saw him.

PJ:

I, I also really enjoy the, the relative waiting we get from the writers based on frequency.

Adam:

Mm-hmm.

PJ:

three different lessons on putting your hand down at a garbage disposal. And now just one episode, why it's bad to jump off a building. the last bit was like, when I saw this scene, it immediately evoked in me the scene in almost Famous

Adam:

Yeah,

PJ:

where Billy Kre UPS character is standing on top of a roof in front of a, a a pool and he screams, I'm a God

Adam:

yeah.

PJ:

followed by I'm on drugs.

Adam:

Well, and what's eerie if you look at the two shots is they're almost identical. I mean, the angle of the house, the hand gesture of tbo So I guess Cameron k Crow was a fan of Mask as well.

PJ:

I think so.

Adam:

well that's the episode time to dive into our awards. Let's start with the Sly Racks for Ragdoll Award. What have you got? What?

PJ:

I mean, I thought Matt's crash into the water. Was was it like he

Adam:

Yeah, yeah, I agree.

PJ:

what's great is that, and we didn't talk about this earlier, but he lands with the bottom down,

Adam:

Mm-hmm.

PJ:

but then when we see the next shot, it's upside down. So

Adam:

Yeah.

PJ:

he did in there, caused it to just flip upside down when going into the water.

Adam:

RIP Matt, we will see you next week. The Buddy Hawks Award, I've got Johan, the Stoned. I don't know what he is. Is he like the, the levy inspector? Like, I don't know what he is. He's kind of got some sort of a weird uniform on. He loves t Bobb and laughs his butt off all the time and has a really intense accent.

PJ:

I love the idea that he's actually just a dude who's in a uniform just decided to pretend

Adam:

Yeah.

PJ:

an official And uh, that's not illegal apparently in the Netherlands.

Adam:

No, I guess not. Uh, Father of the year moment, what do you think?

PJ:

I kind of thought it was like abandoning Scott for him to go look after his malfunctioning 750 pound robot stoned that can kill Scott accidentally while Matt goes about looking for the terrorist organization that's in the country.

Adam:

Yeah, I'm mean, I'm just gonna zoom out to the 3000 foot view of that one and just say, for me, it's once again, taking your son to a location where, you know, for a fact a terrorist organization is operating. Matt, you. It's just something that you don't do as a parent. I don't care if you beat this terrorist organization, 35 outta 35 times that we've seen it happen so far. You still don't take your kid to that type of place. You just don't do it. Uh, Roy Batty moment. What do you think?

PJ:

I mean certainly there's something to be said about that bit at the end, where he jumps

Adam:

Yeah, yeah.

PJ:

But I actually, I was like, try to take it from the perspective of what would piss off t Bobb Moore and I kind of thought it was like everyone refusing to believe that Tbo t Bobb saw that flying windmill.

Adam:

Yeah, I agree with you on that one. That it's just, you know, people are gaslighting him, Well is this episode Panda Poo,

PJ:

okay, here's the thing. normally, we, we really judge the panda poo based on venom's actions

Adam:

right? I agree.

PJ:

I. Really thought, I mean, it was an overall panda poo for me. I thought Venom did a great job of being a credible threat. They blew up the, the dyke at the beginning. They nearly kill Matt. it's guns for hire stuff, but at the same time, like he's gonna make his mark on this country. So

Adam:

Yeah.

PJ:

thought Venom like was, you know, super credible. What was fascinating is that it, we almost have the opposite problem, which is that masks seems like they're playing this one at half speed. you

Adam:

Yep.

PJ:

it's the drugs, it was like, you know, for as credible a threat, it just didn't get met with the same urgency for mask. And

Adam:

Yep.

PJ:

'cause like it could have been a vastly better episode had they met. I mean, it's almost like luck where they kind of just, you know, won in the end.

Adam:

Yeah, I agree with you. It's definitely not panda poo. I think it's one of the better written episodes that we've seen so far, especially from Venom standpoint. But you're definitely right about mask and there are some missed opportunities where, you know, before they, they go into the water dusty and glorious, notice that, you know, one of the dykes is starting to to crack and leak, you know, and it would've been cool for, you know, Gloria to stay, to hang back and use Aura to try to, you know, maintain it, where meanwhile you got a, you know an orphanage on the other side of it, like up those stakes and like we're really seeing like she's trying to hang on so that mask has got a real time pressure, that sort of thing. I think that's what's kind of missing from the episode is that urgency.

PJ:

Yeah. or like you could use skaters freeze ray to freeze it,

Adam:

Yeah.

PJ:

still have that

Adam:

Right.

PJ:

thing

Adam:

it's starting to crack, it's cracking. And, and Dusty's like, well, Matt better hurry up, or else this dice gonna crack like a.

PJ:

This thing's gonna crack like a cocaine, eight ball, or

Adam:

Yeah. Brad finishes the line. Well, everyone, that is it for episode 35 coming up. Next is episode 36, the Lipizzaner Mystery. Am I pronouncing that correctly? Lipizzaner Lip Honor. it's like a Czech last name. I, I believe. But anyways the Lipin are mystery Venom steals the famous Lipin stallions where an Arab purchases them for$4 million. Okay, but mask team member Dusty Hayes foils their heist. Well, that's a terribly written log line for what I hope is maybe a slightly better episode, though the Arab purchasing the horse doesn't bode well for me.

PJ:

I really, so I've, I've seen this episode I've done this to you once before.

Adam:

Mm-hmm.

PJ:

wanna do it again,

Adam:

Okay.

PJ:

I feel like there's gonna be two words and a shot uh, that are just gonna make you go, what the fuck? So I'm willing to lay that bet down

Adam:

All right. I'm looking forward to that one. That usually means we have a good episode on hand, at least for us to make fun of. So let's find out when we get there. But for now, we need to transform and head back to hq. I am Adam Moore.

PJ:

and I am PJ McNerney.

Adam:

Bye-bye.

PJ:

Bye.

The mobile armored podcast show is written, produced and edited. Bye Adam Moore. And PJ McNerney.

Dutch Ersatz Bad Guy:

Of course.