Mobile Armored Podcast Show

Matt Trakker's Not-So-Wild Stallions

• Adam Moore and PJ McNerney • Season 1 • Episode 36

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Hopping over to Vienna, Matt, Scott, T-Bob, and Dusty Hayes (who apparently decided to hang around after last episode) witness Austria’s famous Lipizzaner Stallions from the bleacher seats.

But then, the horses go wild, forcing Dusty to save a child whose mother attends the Matt Trakker School of Abandonment Parenting.  The horses go missing, leading Matt to follow in his own footsteps and abandon Scott at the hotel while he goes to investigate.

(Also, there is an Emir there from a made-up Middle Eastern country who thanks Dusty from stopping the stampede…leading Dusty to make a strange reference to human sacrifice.)

Surprise, surprise, it turns out that V.E.N.O.M. is behind the horse-napping, acting as guns for hire for the Emir to steal the horses and sell them at an amazingly inflated price.

But don’t worry, M.A.S.K. is there to stop them, putting two and two together with the kind of circumstantial evidence that would get your case thrown out of The People’s Court!

(Seriously, it is based on hearsay, the fact that the Emir is “An Arabian”, and that he wants to have those horses.)

And it all leads up to an exciting battle at the end on a giant oil tanker that can navigate the Danube! We hope the horses can survive this traumatic experience…

Join Adam Moore and PJ McNerney for the joys of horse husbandry and questionable legal grounds on the Mobile Armored Podcast Show!!!

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Adam:

Welcome to the Mobile Armored Podcast Show, the podcast that transforms into a Hey baler. name is Adam Moore, alongside my co-host and best friend, PJ McNerney. How's it going today, pj?

PJ:

I am doing well. what interesting thing as a, a meta commentary, the last few episodes have been spending a lot of time in Europe. And it's, it's interesting because like they're all clustered together. It's also interesting'cause a lot of the times, like Gloria shows up for them, so I don't know what her travel schedule has been because like she's been like coming out to meet up with her husband and then flying back unless she's got like some appointment like we see today.

Adam:

She has a very appointment today. Look, let's dive into the episode because there's so much to get into here. It's episode 36 at the Lipizzaner Mystery. Steals the famous Lipizzaner stallions where an Arab purchases them for$4 million. But mask team member Dusty Hayes foils their heist.

PJ:

A few things on the tagline already. I love how like we have just culturally scrubbed away, like anything except for he's an Arab,

Adam:

He's

PJ:

then

Adam:

he is definitely Saudi or from the Emirates or

PJ:

They make it very clear like he's, a, a man of great wealth. Also, dusty doesn't actually foil their heist. So

Adam:

he doesn't.

PJ:

I wanna point out like, who's ever reading these taglines? I think they watch five minutes of the episode. Maybe.'cause an AI would do a better job than this.

Adam:

Yeah. Agreed.

PJ:

I,

Adam:

we open on external shots of Vienna, and then we're inside a stately arena where an audience is watching a soldier in like an old timey uniform riding a white horse who can do some tricks. So I actually did some research here.

PJ:

Ooh.

Adam:

So we will go to. corner. So the uh, the Lipizzaner is a European breed of riding horse developed in the Asberg Empire in the 16th century.

PJ:

Oh.

Adam:

Yeah, it's powerful, slow to mature, long lived. the name of the breed derives from that of a village of Lipica, Some fun facts for you, pj. The breed has been endangered numerous times by warfare sweeping Europe, including during the war of the First Coalition World War I and World War ii. And there's a Disney movie called Miracle of the White Stallions about the rescue of those horses during World War II by American troops.

PJ:

I am sure.

Adam:

if that's true or not.

PJ:

Yeah. It's a, it's a good question. I would be curious to see the veracity of the miracle of the white stallions. I. On one hand, I think it's great. On the other hand, do you wonder about the nearby villages that were not saved because they were saving these horses?

Adam:

yeah. Yeah. There's a, it's like a little bit of saving private Ryan in

PJ:

We've got to save the horses. They're from a noble family whose empire spanned Europe.

Adam:

400 years

PJ:

I, I'm not, I'm not against saving horses. I wanna be really clear. Horses are wonderful, wonderful animals. Like you know, I, I'm curious about a horse that has been very specifically bred and trained in probably the most brutal conditions to perform tricks

Adam:

Yeah.

PJ:

royalty.

Adam:

exactly. Speaking of the tricks the, this is classical dressage which includes the highly controlled stylized jumps and known as the heirs above the ground. dates back hundreds of years. So that's who the lipizzaner stallions are. I don't know how many eight year olds watching the show. who they were or knew their significance. We were basically watching it and being like, why does this guy wearing like a toga wanna buy horses for$4 million?

PJ:

Yeah, we're gonna get into that at Economics Corner too.

Adam:

Okay Matt and Matt's favorite travel companion. No, not Gloria Dusty Hayes. They're there watching the performance. They're inside this very it's very upscale. there's no reason to question why Matt is there. I am a little concerned'cause Dusty's just wearing a t-shirt. While Matt's wearing his suit, it seems like he probably could have dressed up a little bit, maybe worn his. His t-shirt with a tie on it. But one thing I wanna point out though, if you notice in the background, pj, some of the members of the iconic eighties band flock of seagulls are in attendance. Did you notice

PJ:

I,

Adam:

the

PJ:

I, I did notice that. Thank you for the screenshot for that, because I think I, I would've missed it otherwise. it's strange because they're all dressed pretty haphazardly. Like, so I, I agree a suit would be appropriate, but like, it's almost like this is the miscellaneous box.'cause there's like a dude in what looks like an old surgeon's outfit on the right side of the screen And it's like flock of eagles. Guys are just clearly like, Hey, we're flock of, maybe they're playing, a concert there,

Adam:

I notice also that only Matt and Scott have seats and everyone else is forced to stand.

PJ:

Yeah. I think TBO has a seed as well, so it's like the billionaire, his boy and his boy's robot. Everyone else must stand. I had a question for you. Is Dusty like, I feel like it's, it's splits hairs here. See actually the favorite travel companion, or is it Bruce?

Adam:

He has been of late,

PJ:

Yeah, it's true. That's true.

Adam:

been O of late. I mean, It used to be Bruce, but maybe there's been a falling out'cause we've seen Dusty a lot more.

PJ:

Bruce is still pining over Vanessa. So,

Adam:

It turns out that this is a special performance of the stallions in honor of the emir of, I listened to it a bunch of times. It's not like the Emir of Amra. What did you hear?

PJ:

you know, honestly it was, it was just like made up Middle Eastern com country in the eighties. I mean, it's not as bad as one that legitimately appeared in the Transformer show. You know that one right.

Adam:

what was it called?

PJ:

Caria legitimately, look, I'm not making this shit up. This basically was like in the transformer show and it's like, how the fuck did that get past the sensors? So they didn't go that far.

Adam:

Anyways, it's quite clear just based on what he's wearing, he is not of the house of Saudi It doesn't actually matter where he's from, honestly,

PJ:

Yeah.

Adam:

but meanwhile, Scott has t Bob's head open and has turned him into a popcorn machine. So this is a Roy Batty nominee for sure. And this episode has so many Roy Batty moments. and t Bobb does go quite mad, by the way, by at the end of this episode. maybe

PJ:

yeah.

Adam:

crossed the line, but it's crazy.

PJ:

Yeah. So he's, he's turned him into a popcorn holder, technically. And, you know, we've seen this whole like, food storage compartment before. But my question to you, Adam, like once again, has Scott cleaned out the spaghetti and meatballs from the Italian episode? The pizza from the Italian episode, or the panda poo from the Panda episode?

Adam:

How many 10 year olds do you know, cleaned out their robot

PJ:

Nope.

Adam:

storing food in it?

PJ:

None. Unless he like tried to take a hose to him. And Tim Bob's response is actually pretty on target. He is like, I've got over a million logic and motivation circuits and what does heus me for a popcorn box To which Scott's like, I wonder if I could turn you into a popcorn popper.

Adam:

suddenly a bright light flashes and all the horses go wild bucking their riders and like their eyes turn into this like scary purple color.

PJ:

It is scary.

Adam:

Now the horses turn on their masters and decide to go charging toward a group of people who are for some reason sitting the actual arena. I guess the cheap seats like, there's a waiver you have to sign by sitting here. You may

PJ:

You may be

Adam:

horse droppings or stampedes. well a young boy is in danger and so Dusty actually leaps down from his second story balcony seat lands on a horse and guides it away from the child and like the other horses follow the leader there. badass.

PJ:

It really is.

Adam:

did you notice that Matt and Scott also jump off the balcony to go and check on Dusty?

PJ:

I did after the horses were well outta the arena

Adam:

yeah,

PJ:

like they jumped down when the danger had passed. And regarding that young boy did you notice that? So the boy is like in the center of the stage. Everyone else is evacuating, including his mom who turns around is like, oh my God, my son. My question to you was, does this woman like attend the same classes as Matt Tracker in terms of just child abandonment?

Adam:

yeah. She read Matt's book.

PJ:

Hotels are great, but Matt Tracker.

Adam:

Hotel rooms, your new babysitter, so they're following these horse tracks and they lead to a dead end. And it's like the horses have just now, later on outside the emir. Thanks Dusty for stopping the stampede line. Is this a shucks? I ain't had so much fun since the hogs ate Uncle George and I listened to it three times to ensure I was right, I heard it no other way than the hogs ate Uncle George. let's unpack this a little bit. A, the Hogs eight, uncle George, and B, it was fun.

PJ:

Yeah, I had the same thought and I came up with four scenarios.

Adam:

Okay.

PJ:

go from best case to worst case. Okay. Best case scenario was Uncle George was some sort of straw person, effigy.

Adam:

Okay.

PJ:

Of a member of the family that was then fed to the hugs. Okay. Like, and they just called it Uncle George'cause he was the black sheep or something like that. And that was just what they did. Still disturbing. Okay. The next best case scenario, uncle George was the name of some animal that upon death was then fed to the hogs, also disturbing. Okay.

Adam:

Yeah.

PJ:

Worst case scenarios. Dusty belongs to a very small religious cult that requires their dead to be consumed by hogs after they die. Very disturbing.

Adam:

Yeah,

PJ:

however, the most problematic is the same idea, except Uncle George wasn't dead yet.

Adam:

I think really any of them are valid. But here's my, here's what I keep coming back to. How are any of these fun? I mean, All shucks. I ain't had so much fun since the hogs ate Uncle George. Like none of this sounds fun. Buddy has a, that's a real problem.

PJ:

there should have been some question, at least from Matt, like, what do you mean? I don't wanna stray, stray too far into Buddy Hawk's territory, but I think it's not too far of a stretch to presume the the Amir, who will be referred to as an Arabian repeatedly like presumably he is, would be of the Muslim faith and. Wouldn't it be like insulting in some way, shape or form to say that someone was eaten by a hog because like, they're considered unclean animal. I mean, it's, it just, especially to an Amir, it feels like a really, really weird thing to say.

Adam:

The Amir doesn't seem super pleased after Dusty reveals his funny story about pigs

PJ:

does.

Adam:

uncle.

PJ:

I mean, honestly, he's got a, the best reaction you can to anyone who would actually hear that. Like, he like doesn't know what to do with it. So he is gonna kind of move on.

Adam:

The Amir says it is a shame I. Myself, I would've given my entire fortune for just one of those beautiful lip anners.

PJ:

My thought was basically they, you'd have a horse and no money, and then you'd have to eat your just expensive horse. Like that's a weird statement.

Adam:

Yeah. But I do, I, yeah, I agree. And I just wanna set it up one more time here that here's how the cut goes. The Amir says, I would give my entire fortune one of those beautiful horses. Basically, rich, Matt's rich. The cut, the immediate cut is to Thunder Hawk racing down the road like Matt does not mess around when someone is willing to pay a fortune for something.

PJ:

Say Fortune. Yeah. He is speeding dangerously right now.

Adam:

well, The ride in there in Thunder Hawk and Scott mentions the secret popcorn compartment that he built into tbo, which causes Matt to have a brainstorm and he slams on the brakes, which causes tbo to go flying into the front seat, like clearly. No seatbelt for tbo. I feel this is another Roy Batty nomination as well.

PJ:

Hundred percent. Another Roy Batty. Few things here. T Bobb should be wearing a seatbelt, so that's negligent on Matt's part. Matt should not be driving that fast.

Adam:

First of all, speed limits do not apply to Matt Tracker. No matter what country you're in, but two, if you're driving a Camaro, you can't drive that thing slow. What do you wanna do? Drive 55 miles an hour in an IROC Z.

PJ:

Okay. But even with that, Matt shouldn't be stopping that short.

Adam:

Yeah.

PJ:

talking about 10 horses here, Matt, not some infection. Your scientist came up with a, in a lab in Africa?

Adam:

Yeah. I mean, It's like has happened before where he gets interested in an unusual situation, which is, you

PJ:

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Adam:

thing. But also someone has placed a massive value. On these horses, the Amir, his entire fortune. This guy's a billionaire. So that's what actually has Matt's, know, gears turning in his head. wait a minute. So these horses are worth, a fortune to this, to this, Amir. They must be valuable. I should figure out where they went, because they're worth billions of dollars to this man. If they were just horses, wouldn't care, would he?

PJ:

no, these are all excellent points. It, repeatedly puts Matt into the worst light possible. But it fits. I mean, look, it all tracks with what we know about Mr. Tracker.

Adam:

Yeah, it

PJ:

Don't mess with his shit, and he's in it for the money.

Adam:

Yep. Uh, well, He,

PJ:

I.

Adam:

the computer pull up the architectural drawings of the Palace of Vienna, and it turns out an emergency passage was built in the 18 hundreds in case of civil unrest, big enough for Emperor Franz Joseph to escape in a carriage with a team of horses. And I just felt that Matt could relate to that.

PJ:

I really love this comment by you. It is like Matt's underground train is there in case the people turn against him and then he is gonna hole up in Boulder Hill. You'll like take down the masses that, that try to assault him.

Adam:

If he was ever discovered as the leader of mask, it wouldn't just be Venom coming after him. There are so many people in the world for people whose property has just been straight up damaged to, I would share many governments treaties and borders, he's violated the leader. They're all coming after him.

PJ:

Yeah. I.

Adam:

say that's another reason why Boulder Hill is basically a fortress.

PJ:

Smart move.

Adam:

yeah, Scott is sent back to the hotel as usual, but um, actually a fun exchange. Scott says they never get into any trouble, but TB points out the elephants in Singapore and the Eiffel Tower from two episodes ago. And I thought it was like really good callbacks.

PJ:

Yeah. I thought this is worth taking a beat on. A couple different ar I mean, these are all episodic. They're cartoon episodes. We don't get a lot of continuity these episodes except what you and I impose on'em.

Adam:

Yeah.

PJ:

Hurricane is the most notable example, And it's the first time for that callback for something for Scott. I will note though, in. Both of those examples. Scott got in trouble in Singapore because his dad said, go tour Singapore.

Adam:

Yeah.

PJ:

And basically just abandoned him to his own devices. Matt also told Scott, go to the Eiffel Tower, that'll be safe. And then they had the battle there. So I think Scott could have pushed the issue that they don't get into trouble, but trouble just kind of finds them because they were abandoned.

Adam:

Point accepted.

PJ:

BP's pissed at this point in time.

Adam:

bobb is looming over Scott is back against the door in Thunder Hawk. I mean,

PJ:

Yeah.

Adam:

last thing Scott sees before his creation strangles him to death.

PJ:

Yeah, his, his line back to t Bobb was pretty hilarious, which is, that was in trouble. That was fun. And, and again, nearly trampled to death by elephants and hanging off the Eiffel Tower, telling his father to go after Venom.

Adam:

Yeah and

PJ:

He,

Adam:

line is, let me show you how I have fun, Scott. I. As he wraps his little robotic mittens around Scott's neck.

PJ:

I feel like Scott has lived so close to death that he doesn't actually recognize real danger, like the one in front of him. Which is proof to me that no matter what you say, like Gloria has taken Scott under her wing, she may not be the, like the mom you want, but she's the present mom that's there,

Adam:

exactly. We cut to Matt and Dusty. They are investigating the tunnel inside the palace where the horses disappeared. Matt finds a ring on the wall, kinda looks like something you might tie a horse to. He turns it a secret passageway and Dusty asks him, how'd you know that? And for me, once again. can relate. He knows exactly how secret passageway to escape from civil unrest is accessed.

PJ:

Or for unusual situations.

Adam:

Exactly

PJ:

I really enjoy how like, no matter where they go, Matt's like, come have fun, but make sure you bring your work clothes with you.

Adam:

right.

PJ:

'cause they're in full uniform regalia.

Adam:

They are. Matt finds a trip

PJ:

I

Adam:

which is programmed to make the ceiling fall down if anyone tripped it. And once again, can relate. Well, They also find a sonic transmitter, computer tells Matt that it was stolen by Venom, and this has become a reoccurring trend. The computer ends constantly withholding information from Matt, like just the Sonic transmitter was stolen by Venom computer, just be a little proactive

PJ:

So the kindest thing I can think of, which puts me in the writer defense award venom steals so much stuff that most of it isn't actually worth talking about. Like, does Matt really wanna get a notification about the latest shit hole that they're living in? No. Like, I think he's just turned down the notification setting on his computer.

Adam:

well, speaking Of venom, we cut to miles in the beautiful Austrian countryside where they are storing the horses. Sly is gathering hay to feed them, and Miles says to Sly, finally find a job to suit your talents. Wow, miles,

PJ:

why does he hate his people so much? And sly there, like Sly actually showed up, like Vanessa and Cliff are gone at this point. I didn't even know they were in the episode till later on.

Adam:

now a helicopter arrives and the Emir shows up. And the Amir offers a million dollars for the horses, but Miles changes the agreement. It's now 1 million for stealing them, another 4 million to deliver them to the dock. you know, Miles is dangerous. But also, I really wouldn't threaten a Saudi oil billionaire, but Okay. You do you miles.

PJ:

I agree. Like this was a, a moment in the episode where I feel like Miles thought he was Darth Vader in Empire Strikes back saying, I am altering the deal. Pray. Do not alter it any further.

Adam:

Right,

PJ:

In reality Amir or the Amir basically is Darth Vader and Miles is an gna he's one of the guys shifting trash.

Adam:

right.

PJ:

like, and I don't think he really understands how much danger he is in

Adam:

No the oil billionaire could disappear him

PJ:

Yes.

Adam:

pretty quickly. Amazingly the Amir agrees to the deal, even when Miles insists that the 5 million be paid in platinum bars. Like why does he want it paid in platinum bars,

PJ:

I took it this way. The Amir has too many deals going on, so this is all a all small, small change for him. And he is like, I, I fuck it. I don't care. Like get me the fucking horses. And he just carries platinum bars with him just because,

Adam:

I guess.

PJ:

This is worthwhile to go to Economics Corner for a second.'cause I was trying to like figure this one out. It's like,'cause when he, he says the, the whole thing when, when one purchases perfection, one does not quibble over the price. And I got really curious, like, how much does a lipizzaner cost? And when I looked it up online, at least in modern dollars, it's like$20,000 per horse. maybe that means it's a total of$200,000 for 10 horses. and in 1980$5, that's about$70,000 max for all 10 horses. So let's say you were off by 10. Let's say I'm off by 10 x. At this point in time, we're talking$700,000 Just to buy'em legitimately. either basically there's some sort of vendetta or the Amir just does no research. He does not care.

Adam:

Or you know, just like the adrenaline.

PJ:

bored with his money. It is like, oh, let's steal him.

Adam:

Yep. Matt and Dusty show up. They discover Venom's hiding spot. and, uh, yeah, so the heli, he sees this helicopter taken off. Right. And there's an

PJ:

Yeah.

Adam:

it that Matt says that emblem, I've seen it before, and it kinda looks like a, it's like a scorpion, right?

PJ:

It's a scorpion this will all become a very important soon.

Adam:

Okay. Matt goes into the barn slice is kind of sitting on the ground.

PJ:

I think he's kind of exhausted, like he's been doing physical labor and he is taking shit for miles. So he is like trying to take a break and maybe recollect his thoughts.

Adam:

Yeah.

PJ:

What am I doing with my life?

Adam:

Yeah. And Matt is coming from like behind him. It's actually kind of scary.

PJ:

Yeah. I, he looks like he's about to choke out sly, like his hands are like up And my first thought was, look, if you wanted to take care of this for good, is this, isn't this a good time for Spectrum Laser?

Adam:

Yeah. Well, suddenly Switchblade appears from inside a giant pile of hay. And uh, it opens fire on Matt, leads us into the mid episode mask, venom Dusty hits switchblade with the electric. Ouch. which does nothing apparently. And then Switchblade turns around, opens fire on Gator. Dusty does some fancy drive-in, but ends up crashing into a fallen tree. Now Matt confronts sly in the horse paddock, sly suddenly has his stiletto mask on. how did he let Sly put the mask on?

PJ:

I didn't know. I mean, I felt maybe it was like, you know, sly had it in the paddock with the horses and Matt was just, you know, basically distracted by what Miles was doing with dusty. Also, like, it's worthwhile to note Slys going in for the kill here with Stiletto. He's got, and that's gotta do some fancy kind of like flips to get

Adam:

Yeah, he and Miles are really going for the kill.

PJ:

Yeah.

Adam:

not firing warning shots like they wanna

PJ:

Mm-hmm.

Adam:

Now Sly gets kicked by a horse, sending him flying out of the paddock. So not, this is not a normal horse, which just kinda kicks you and you get hurt really badly and fall down. Like he flies a good a hundred yards. So he is certainly getting nominated for his own award here.

PJ:

totally.

Adam:

Now, Matt sees Dusty struggling inside a tree. Matt goes running after him. Switchblade opens fire, sending Matt flying through the air. Onto a conveyor belt that's leading to a hay baler. Matt should be dead.

PJ:

Yeah, I, I didn't know how they were gonna top a sly rack, and they did, because like the ground explodes underneath Matt.

Adam:

Yep.

PJ:

goes flying through the air, does a 180 twist in the air, and then lands solidly on his spine on that hay baler.

Adam:

right.

PJ:

his, his back is now broken. Best case scenario,

Adam:

Venom escapes with the horses. Dusty is trapped under the tree. Matt Isga about to get churned through the hay baler. leads me to wonder what's gonna happen.

PJ:

I don't know. I, no.

We've got them in sight. Hold on. Mask will be right back. Now watch what Mask does.

Adam:

We're back when we left you. We watched as Matt Tracker churned through a hay baler. It chopped him into pieces. There's sorts of limbs and feet and pieces of the mask and various bales of hay. It's very morbid,

PJ:

And

Adam:

to go on without

PJ:

but, in respect, he's going to feed Matt's remains to the hogs um, because that is what's required by his cult.

Adam:

At least it'll be fun for him, and he explains it to Scott. You should have been there, Scott. It was real fun.

PJ:

Now, afterwards, we're gonna sacrifice the hog and eat it. So Matt's power will flow down into you. Just like Uncle George's power has flown into me.

Adam:

Sadly, that's not what happens. Or happily, whatever side of the fence you're on. It's either happy or sad. happens actually is that Dusty ejects Gator in boat mode, skids across the ground, knocks like the hay baler out of the way and catches Matt in the seats. So this is like a second pretty badass move from Dusty in this episode.

PJ:

yeah, it really was Dusty's on point this episode. Like, I mean, when it's calls for it, like he's there. Also a great use of the, kind of the mechanics of the vehicle.'cause like it's exactly what we would be doing to have fun with it. I had this thought that Dusty knows that he has to save Matt because if he doesn't, Gloria will do something far worse to him. Like this. this is under duress and thread. when Gator gets there, Matt's falling off the baler And I have to believe his back is broken again, because that's a 10 foot drop right onto his spine again.

Adam:

Yeah. In Gator, which is not

PJ:

And in.

Adam:

comfortable vehicle,

PJ:

Right. And I felt like also, like there was no reason for for Dusty to then kind of like, he's not gonna fall out of Gator at that point in time. So I was like, eh, Dusty's getting a little handsy here.

Adam:

he does, He does, he reaches around Matt's waist

PJ:

And Dusty's,

Adam:

hogs.

PJ:

oh, you're still alive. Oh. Oh, well.

Adam:

But yeah uh, surprise, surprise, Matt's alive. So how about that?

PJ:

How about that?

Adam:

Meanwhile, Scott is back at the hotel and he's tinkering around with tbo and he says, room service ought to be here any minute with more popcorn. And T Bobb expressly says, but I don't want to be a popcorn popper. Roy Batty nominees all over this

PJ:

Yeah. Scott asked him, where's your spirit of adventure? And my question in this case was, what adventure, Scott, you're gonna cause him to get unnaturally hot and screw up his circuits?

Adam:

Yeah and then on top of that, making matters worse, Scott makes an adjustment that causes teebo to get stuck in scooter mode and go racing around the room.

PJ:

Yes.

Adam:

the room service guy shows up

PJ:

I.

Adam:

and when he does TB bursts through the door and starts like speeding down the hallway.

PJ:

Mm-hmm.

Adam:

a mess right now,

PJ:

Yeah.

Adam:

It actually ties into the episode. So credit to the writer here because Bobb crashes into the Emir, who's coming out of his hotel room. Just goes to show you that Matt stays at excellent hotels. If it's good enough for the Emir, it's good enough for the Tracker family. This crash causes all the platinum bars to fall out of the Amir suitcase. And Scott sees this, and then he sees a photo of the Liper horses and then starts, starts piecing things together on his own.

PJ:

Okay, I want to do an economics corner check here for a second. Uh, Which is almost borders on science corner, but,

Adam:

Okay.

PJ:

Platinum weighs more than gold. And we talked a few episodes back about the suitcase of gold bars weighing somewhere north of 300 pounds. So for 400 million in platinum, I did the math. And$85, So it's gonna be about 31 bars, of platinum, which comes out to 839 pounds So that suitcase is on wheels, but the emirs men are juicing.

Adam:

That's the thing. It's on wheels,

PJ:

Yeah.

Adam:

least has some plausibility.

PJ:

Yeah. We'll talk about that though later on. as we Find out what happens that those uh, sets of platinum bars.

Adam:

yeah. Calls Matt to sort of update him on the information, He tells Matt about, I'll just, I'll say what the, that line of dialogue is. He tells Matt, a little while ago I saw some Arabian men with platinum bars, and Matt says, Arabian. Kinda, and then it's followed by multiple shots of the Emir, like as Matt is remembering him. Now, if you remember everyone last episode, PJ made a bet with me. He bet there would be two words

PJ:

Mm-hmm.

Adam:

of shots. Is this what you were betting me on?

PJ:

Yes. This is what I was betting you on because I want to unpack this pretty dramatically.

Adam:

Yeah.

PJ:

Okay. So first, I think it's actually kind of remarkable and, and shows his privilege that Scott knows what platinum bars look like.

Adam:

Yeah.

PJ:

Okay. I would guess it would be silver, but no, Scott knows enough to differentiate between silver and platinum bars

Adam:

yeah.

PJ:

and Scott has seen that this guy has a picture of a horse, which just could be a postcard. Okay, so I want us to understand the evidence that Scott has and Matt has at this particular point in time in this episode. Also, apparently Scott has been trained by Matt to be suspicious of Arabian men

Adam:

Yeah. Yeah.

PJ:

Scott's then therefore trained to use circumstantial evidence to convict

Adam:

Which is

PJ:

so

Adam:

has trained the mask computer to do as well,

PJ:

he Correct. So Matt's face with the platinum bars, he looks pissed. And then he, he goes into this like, thought pattern of like an Arabian, and then like, they do this like music as, and Matt's face lights up in realization where it's first his face, he remembers the em emblem on the side of the helicopter. Then they see the flag with the same emblem on it, and then three shots of the Amir, of increasing suspicion each time. Okay. And then Dusty has to shake Matt from his trance saying, Matt, what's wrong? And Matt's conclusion is this. Emir Venom is trading with Emir. So here's my deal, man. I don't want to live in the world where Matt's legal framework operates because apparently circumstantial evidence is enough to prosecute his case against anyone.

Adam:

sure.

PJ:

if there'd been something about Matt hearing that the buyer was using platinum bars for their purchase, maybe I'd be okay with trying to do this connection. But as far as I can tell, Matt is going after the Amir because he is in his words, an Arabian and Dusty supplants this with his next line. You're right, he's Arabian and he also one of those horses. So Dusty, your proof here is e are one of those horses. He's Arabian. That is the proof you guys are offering up to us. So how fucked up is that to give to kids? And Matt said I should have known when I saw the emblem on that chopper because clearly a court case would not be trying to introduce any notion that the chopper was potentially stolen. So this Adam is like we're gonna come back to this when we get back to the Buddy Hawks award. But it's pretty dramatic in terms of what we know and what Matt has jumped to

Adam:

As part of all this, we learn that the Emir is leaving on his like, oil tanker that night. So I just wanna point out that travels around in his crude oil tanker, like not a private jet. He just sails around in a mega ship filled with crude oil.

PJ:

which no one did research because if we recall, I had to like check this, like Vienna is technically not landlocked. Like the Danube runs through it,

Adam:

Yeah.

PJ:

but we're talking

Adam:

fit on the

PJ:

Yeah, exactly. We're talking about an oil tanker sitting on the Danube, like just kind of rolling through.

Adam:

No. The type of thing that would get caught in the Suez Canal can easily make its way up the Danube. Guess what? We have a late episode agent selection scene. So first up, Gloria Baker, champion race, driver, Black belt and Kung fu team hottie. Matt's wife, she's at the dentist. the alarm goes off and she takes a girl's teddy bear and puts it in her place. but the dentist kind of turns around and goes to like continue what he was doing for a few solid moments before realizing it's a teddy bear. And I worry that she's not seeing the best dentist in town.

PJ:

Yeah, I wonder if you had like, vision problems which I agree is not what you want in a dentist. Basically, if you have to be that close to realize that a teddy bear is not a human. Did you notice that she's rocking the purple hair and pink lipstick? Like it's kind of a, a different look for her.

Adam:

Yeah. It's a little bit of a gem in the holograms going on

PJ:

I, for one, I'm glad that Matt's wife's coming to Vienna, but I had a question, given that we've established there's only the Danube that's there is having a vehicle whose primary transformation is for water, like a good idea

Adam:

I agree. You know, Last episode they did a really good job of choosing the right vehicles for the episode. This one, they just chose vehicles.

PJ:

yeah, I mean, I love it when Gloria shows up. I mean, she's,'cause she's awesome,

Adam:

I'm sure Matt enjoys it too.

PJ:

mm-hmm.

Adam:

Second up is Buddy Hawks. So Buddy is really dressed up. I thought he was in disguise and maybe he is because he's wearing like a, a, you know, a kind of like an old Newsies cap in a suit that matches. He's holding like a bouquet of roses. of waiting for a date as we find out.'cause she comes running this blonde, wearing a pink dress. Comes running up, he gets the call, he run towards her hands, her the flowers. Then runs away. Not even a, Hey, sorry, something came up. Nothing. Just the flowers, and he runs like, man. All right.

PJ:

Yeah, to, to me, you could have done this with like as some sort of French movie and it would've fit, I think we've actually seen this one before. Like I, I think we have, I feel like we've seen this, but I love the idea that he's doing it to the same person twice. Like this is like, he like had to fight really hard to like, get back like, oh no, listen Belinda, I'm gonna show up this time. the, and this is like his one true chance at love. and then he's gotta just basically ditch her again.

Adam:

I'm curious where he's meeting her. Just as I look at the frames, it looks like she's running past a liquor store. And when you look at the shot where he hands her the flowers and runs off, it's clearly like, sort of hardware store.'cause it says power tools in the window. where's he taking her on a date? I'm, I wanna get myself a new band saw and I thought maybe you could come and check it out with me. look, if she's into it, then he has found his soulmate.

PJ:

Not this time apparently.

Adam:

We uh, we cut to the mask jet in flight.

PJ:

It is a cool set of shots we get at the jet.

Adam:

the jet's cool. it's really rocking. So we cut to the harbor which is, seems like it's big enough for a handful of, shipping container, vessels and oil tankers and that sort of thing, but. my research, I can't find any location in Vienna that has that kind of or shipyards to support those kind of vessels. did you

PJ:

No Uhuh. No. I mean this is, this was clearly the writers did no research. Again, I mean, you'd really have to kind of make the claim that, they're doing this like, like in the Black Sea or something like that.

Adam:

Okay like I said, we do cut to these shipyards, sly and Cliff deliver the horses to the Amir ship. So Cliff is here. And by the way, Vanessa shows up too,

PJ:

yeah. What the hell were they doing?

Adam:

just hanging out on the ship the whole time. I guess I, I don't know.

PJ:

I think Cliff was at another artist's retreat and Vanessa just wanted some time to herself. Some me time in, in Vienna.

Adam:

A lot of good shopping in Vienna. The Amir connects with Miles and says, very good, Mr. Mayhem. I see. For sufficient money you will even keep your word. mayhem says, for sufficient money, I'll even deal with you.

PJ:

I was like, whoa. I was like hard for me not to see this as a Buddy Hawk's mom at this point in. I was like,

Adam:

Oh, completely. Amir says, as we agreed,$4 million in platinum bars, would you like to count it? And Miles says it should all be here. The Amir's response is honor among thieves, Cliff gets totally offended by this, he says, who's he calling? A thief? And he gets ready to fire torch at the guy when Miles tells him, basically like, like, you know, like, calm down. Or else they're gonna set the straw and the stalls on fire.

PJ:

So here's a couple things. I was like, cliff, you're a terrorist. You've murdered people. Why are you taking such umbrage to being called a thief unless you are racist as well. Like, he is just looking, he's just fixing for an excuse.

Adam:

Mask shows up, Buddy's on the balcony, Wearing his penetrator mask. Vanessa uses whip to capture him, but Buddy uses Penetrator to phase himself out of whip's grip.

PJ:

I thought it was fun, fun use of powers we're getting here. You know, like, again, they're, I say what you will, they're playing into it. you know, we've gotten whip at this point in time. We've gotten a penetrator. We've got a few more before the, the episode's done.

Adam:

Gloria shows up in front of the emir and his men and asks going somewhere and the henchman pull out like two of their long knives. But Gloria knocks the Amir and his henchman out of commission using Aura. So another fun use of the powers there. Uh, And here's another one. Matt uses Spectrum ultrasonics to spook the horses and cause them to run out of the ship. jumps onto the lead horse and guides them all into a waiting truck.

PJ:

I thought this was gonna fuck the horses up though. Like, I don't think it's really talked about how much that's like, you've just spooked them again and traumatized them, but fine.

Adam:

an So Miles is escaping in switchblade with the Platinum Thunder Hawk takes to the sky, and Matt says, do unto others. Let's see how you like being forced down. He fires that switchblade and blows the canopy off. Great shot Matt.

PJ:

Yeah, it really was. I mean, they shattered the glass. But I had a question, man. What's up with Matt's threatening quote here?

Adam:

Yeah.

PJ:

he's, he's misremembering it pretty badly. my, my thing is this, if you're gonna threaten someone, I recommend not using a quote of Jesus And then misusing it because like, it's like do unto other, I mean, I'm not sure what Bible he's reading, but it's like, do unto others and it is like, wait, wait, wait, wait. did you not know? It's about forgiveness, man.

Adam:

right.

PJ:

I'm gonna just do this unto others.

Adam:

It's so Do others they fire at your transforming car, in which case, blow them out of the sky. That's in one of the more modern translations of the Bible, I think.

PJ:

Maybe that's the one. Matt had commissioned

Adam:

the tracker. Translation.

PJ:

the Tracker translation.

Adam:

Well, A switch plate actually explodes in mid air and Miles goes falling to his doom, gripping the suitcase full of platinum bars. He splashes into the water. He's underwater. He's struggling to swim to the surface carrying this heavy case. I think he's already dead as it is. Like

PJ:

I agree. I agree.

Adam:

right

PJ:

Yes.

Adam:

On top of it though, shark appears, fires two missiles at miles causing the suitcase to open and sending all the platinum bars to the bottom of the ocean. think this is what I'd call a platinum sly rack nomination.

PJ:

look, the fall alone would've killed him. the platinum would've drug him under, like we're talking about 800 pounds.

Adam:

Yeah.

PJ:

And she's shot at by torpedoes underwater.

Adam:

right.

PJ:

Okay, rest in peace. Miles,

Adam:

We'll see you next episode. Sly, Vanessa and Cliff all kind of hop on to piranha's sidecar submarine, which drives on the surface to go out and pick up miles. Is that thing really seaworthy with that many people on it?

PJ:

who cares at this point in time, man,

Adam:

Yeah,

PJ:

like, it's the Danube. You know, I don't expect it gets that many high winds.

Adam:

I guess they just, jug off and their little, their little submarine

PJ:

they're all chugging off. Probably way slower than normal. Like,'cause it's normally only holds one, it has four on it.

Adam:

Yeah.

PJ:

so

Adam:

says, I could go after them and Matt says, no. And then he says something about join up with the others by the time we catch them. What is he talking about?

PJ:

that's, I was like, what is he? Yeah. I was like, what the fuck, Matt? I mean do, do you think there's another venom sub in the Danube?

Adam:

yeah, what others, it's the whole entire Venom team that we've known so far. and then to your point earlier, Piana is going at a quarter speed. mean, you could swim and catch them.

PJ:

right.

Adam:

The answer is nope. In fact, then he says, besides we've got the real culprit. to the Emir, but is he the real culprit? Venom did all the hard work.

PJ:

Yeah. And in fact, we get a line from Buddy right after this as well, that they try to cement it.

Adam:

Yeah. Buddy says, I don't know how the Emir is going to explain to the Austrian police how all those lipizzaners got on his ship.

PJ:

And I was like very easily buddy. How about this? Venom stole the horses. That's true. Venom stole my platinum, which is now at the bottom of the Danube. Thanks to you guys. And you could just say, venom was about to steal my ship. So like, it's actually really easy to blame the terrorist organization for all this stuff. Besides the fact you never had anything concrete beyond circumstantial evidence and racism.

Adam:

Indeed.

PJ:

And here's the other deal, like, let's say they could get him on something, right? The, if the Amir is not already cozy with the Austrian government, look, some money will exchange hands and it'll be fine

Adam:

well. But anyways, that's that for the case. Matt and company arrive at the hotel and they're in the lobby and the police is completely destroyed. there's a shot of Matt

PJ:

Yeah.

Adam:

one eye It's like very odd. Is he okay?

PJ:

I don't know, man. Like this was a weird choice. It's like, I hope he is not having a stroke or something like that. My thought on this basically was like, he's not perturbed because I, I would imagine he owns that hotel.

Adam:

Oh yeah, no, for sure. He definitely owed the hotel. and we have this like exchange between, buddy and Gloria. Buddy says, you know, it might be less trouble if he came with us next time. And Gloria says, in fact, we might even have less trouble if we let him join Venom. Like, Wow, Gloria, we had to get your step kid outta the picture. And Scott loves this. He's like, we could work undercover. Tebo says I'd rather be a popcorn popper, but I'd love to play out what would happen if Scott and Teb actually did join Venom.

PJ:

I love the notion of some kid and a robot who they've seen before coming and saying, Hey, can we join your terrorist organization? And like I, miles, I don't know what he would do about this, but I was like, ah, I guess but I think Mask would accidentally murder Scott and t Bobb on one of the missions or Venom would do the handful of research to know that, oh, this is the son of a billionaire. We should just hold him for ransom.

Adam:

Yeah, exactly. Venom's not really smart about, their, plans. Well, Popcorn pops out of tbo. Everyone laughs and we cut to the more, you know, moment. is teaching Scott how to behave around a horse. And he says that some of them aren't very smart. And Scott says, you mean like Tbo? So adding another Roy Batty nomination to this episode. And the lesson is that when you walk behind a horse, you need to have your hand on the horse so they know that you're there.'cause otherwise they might kick you. And that is exactly what happens to Tbo. Very much like Sly Tbo gets kicked and flies through the air and hits the wall of the stable that they're in. And we kinda have another Roy Batty mixed with a Sly Racks nomination here.

PJ:

Yeah. It's a rare combo, but we get it. I thought this was actually a decent lesson for kids who have not been around horses.

Adam:

how many opportunities did you have to be around a horse?

PJ:

very few. I can only remember one time. And ironically it involved me running around the ass of the horse. And like it freaked out the horse trainer who's like, oh shit, you should have been touching the horse the entire time.

Adam:

That's why they needed the lesson.

PJ:

That's what

Adam:

say that I was in the presence of a horse my thirties so, be very nice PJ to your own horse growing up.

PJ:

I didn't

Adam:

well,

PJ:

think I, I thought I visited Aarse.

Adam:

No, I understand. I understand. Yep. Mm-hmm.

PJ:

here's the story, is that my dad left me alone in a hotel, so I wandered out to the hotel stables.

Adam:

okay. That does actually sound about right. All right. that's fair. Let's cut to our awards. We gotta dive right into the Roy Batty. This

PJ:

Whew.

Adam:

like every scene that T Bobb is in is another Roy Batty moment. And he does go crazy at the end. Like we see him throughout the end of the episode driving in scooter mode like crazy, just destroying this hotel.

PJ:

you're right. Looks like every scene with a minute it is a new Roy Batty. And like I, so, I mean, and so it's like everything's a strong contender. I mean, I, I could give it to t Bob at the lesson at the end. I could be convinced though, like, it's like Scott fucking with t Bobb circuits after T Bobb told him not to, And then he goes berserk.

Adam:

Yeah, I think that's the moment there. Don't do it. Don't do it. And he does it. And t Bobb freaks out has those like red sparks around him and starts driving around like crazy. I think this is him kind of achieving his first true Roy Batty moment. But there's so many, I mean, there are so many shots of t Bobb in angry mode and like that one we mentioned before of him hovering over Scott clearly angry ready to take out his vengeance upon his creator. we may be crossing the Rubicon here,

PJ:

We'll have to keep a tight eye on this one.

Adam:

father of the year moment. What do you,

PJ:

I mean, it's so trite. It's so, and it's such a trope at this point in time. But leaving Scott at the hotel alone and then he proceeds to destroy it. Can Matt not see that? Scott just wants some attention.

Adam:

I agree. It's. Just cliche now, every episode, it's

PJ:

Mm-hmm.

Adam:

fact, Scott even knows it in that line early on in the episode where Matt says, Scott, I want you to, and Scott interrupts him and says, I know. Go back to the hotel. So even Scott knows A,

PJ:

it's sad,

Adam:

cry for help from a sad, lonely child. How about the Sly Racks Ragdoll Award,

PJ:

man. Another one. We have so many possibilities. We get sly racks getting kicked by the horse.

Adam:

Yep

PJ:

we got Matt basically, you know, getting blown up, flying through the air, breaking his back twice,

Adam:

Yeah.

PJ:

And then miles, you know, getting blown up, falling into water, nearly drowning. Then it getting blown up. So at first I was gonna tie him, but as I discussed it, I think Miles actually might pull this one ahead.

Adam:

I think For me, it's Matt because he does

PJ:

Yeah,

Adam:

twice, yeah, maybe he's not dead, but he's certainly paralyzed,

PJ:

Let's give it to both of'em. I'm game with that. I mean Matt, you're right, he breaks his back twice. He gets shot at once. Miles gets shot at twice, once by a laser, and then the second time by a, a torpedo.

Adam:

Yeah.

PJ:

So,

Adam:

Matt and Miles, we will see you next episode, buddy Hawks Award.

PJ:

I'm in one camp for this, but I, I'll, I'll momentarily say that I could see Matt and Miles both being contenders given the exchange between Miles and the Emir. But um, honestly, given that Matt is supposed to be the good guy. And because a lot of his quote unquote proof seems to hinge on this person being, in his words, an Arabian, I gotta give it to Matt'cause it's like we'll never hold up in courts, sir, you're just picking it because let's face it, you're racist.

Adam:

I agree a hundred percent. That's exactly my vote as well. It's definitely Matt gets the Buddy Hawks award, What do you think? Is this episode Panda Poo?

PJ:

So this entire episode, it's, it's venom getting hired for smash and grab job by an Arabian for horses that are not that expensive. And so the stakes are actually incredibly low. I kind of felt like Venom might've made up, made off with a hundred, not a hundred, but the, the million bucks that got paid for the steel,

Adam:

Yeah.

PJ:

Even though they didn't get the 4 million. So it's, I mean, Dusty's got some badass maneuvers. the episode's forgettable. it's not the worst we've ever seen. It's fine. It's, there's parts that are fun.

Adam:

Yeah.

PJ:

it's barely not panda poo for me, but that's a, I'm being pretty generous.

Adam:

Yeah, I'm on the edge too. I think this episode has some of the best animation,

PJ:

It does.

Adam:

It's really sharp. It has great use of the vehicles, mask powers some real stunts, especially the Matt and Miles ones, but yeah, the stakes are super low. There's the Arabian thing, so I'm kind of on the line, but maybe it just crosses over a little bit into panda poo.

PJ:

I'm game with that. I mean, I'm not going to bat for this episode, I'll say that much. before we talk about where we're going to next. I do wanna point out something interesting is that we've been in Europe for a while. Like we started off in Switzerland with the, the finance minister. Then we jetted over to Rome. But then we were in Paris. then we were in the Netherlands and now we're in Vienna. And we're going to still not be in the US next, right. The episode right before this, the last time we saw them in the US was deadly blue slime. and so my question to you, Adam, is Matt actively trying to avoid authorities by basically going to all of these different countries?

Adam:

wasn't deadly Blue slime in Africa.

PJ:

What, yeah. But the beginning of the episode, he was in the US

Adam:

were in the us. Yeah. So he's

PJ:

right?

Adam:

from the authorities.

PJ:

Yeah. So he is not returned back to his home at this point in time, and nor will he.

Adam:

I get it. That's why he needs the se secret escape, train from his mansion to Boulder

PJ:

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Adam:

this is exactly the type of thing he is. He is doing Okay, let's look at episode 37, coming up next. It's called the Sacred Rock. Buckle Up folks. frightens a tribe of Australian aborigines their God Mimi is angry with them. When TB makes an appearance, the tribe thinks he is their deity. So I think what's interesting is the last time we were in Australia, venom enslaved Aborigines,

PJ:

Mm-hmm.

Adam:

And we have the recurrence of TBO as the mistaken deity of some, tribe.

PJ:

Haven't seen that since the ink in Priest.

Adam:

Here we go again.

PJ:

It sort of makes you wonder then like did Scott research the shape of tbo and decided this one was in the shape of so many like gods within the mask universe?

Adam:

Knowing that his dad would take him on adventures around the world and there'd be opportunities for his robot to mis be mistaken as a

PJ:

I don't know. I don't know, man.

Adam:

well, we'll track that one as we go along too. But for now this podcast has to transform and head back to hq. I am Adam Moore.

PJ:

And I am PJ McNerney.

Adam:

Bye-bye.

PJ:

Bye bye.

The mobile armored podcast show is written, produced and edited. Bye Adam Moore. And PJ McNerney.